Just A Fool
by ksjf2012
Summary: A Kames story...kind of a coming of age tale full of love and friendship.
1. Chapter 1

I don't have voices in my mind. I have _a _voice in my head. He talks to me often and always has more special, crazy fun news to tell me. If I'm having a really good day…he pops up and tells me something awful to ruin my perfect day! He's a really special little guy. And it's not like I'm a crazy person or anything. The voice in my head is me, I just hate what he says something's. And yes sometimes I argue with myself, but not many people can honestly say they never have either. We have disagreements sometimes and our brains split down the middle and argue. It's called science, look it up. Unfortunately this is a rare occasion. I argue with myself often and usually about dumb, little stupid things. Sometimes it's hard for me to decide on having fries or onion rings with my burger. Because on one hand, fries are potatoes and full of carbs and starch, but onion rings can give your breath an oniony smell and who knows who you're going to run in after eating them and you can't brush your teeth…It's exhausting but it's necessary. And most of the time, I just get both to calm down my stupid brain.

However, for me, choosing between fries and onion rings are the least of my worries. And my uneasy head hasn't always been like this. I haven't always heard a voice, my voice, in my head telling me something Earth shattering. I heard it first when I was in 8th grade. I was supposed to be studying, like my mother asked me to do, but instead I was surfing the internet for porn. Typical boy thing to do in 8th grade. I was curious, we had a sex-ed class, and all my friends and told me about internet porn. It was free, most of it, and it got the job done. I was there. Except my porn adventures turned sour after the first scene. It was of a big breasted, blonde, slim wasted girl bouncing on top of this guy's dick. I took in her naked form and watched her fake titties bounce around and…nothing. I didn't get hard, and I never felt the urge to touch myself, as my friends and told em would happen. That is until they switched positions, and she started sucking him off. When I saw her huge mouth wrap around this equally huge dick, I felt a twitch in my pants and suddenly I was moaning, groaning and pleasuring myself to no end. I lost my reasoning and logic in the dust seeing this guy's dick get sucked on, and then pound into her. I wasn't aware that I was more interested in him then her, until after I had come. I steadied my breathing and forced my brain to remember what part of it was so hot. And then I saw his dick again and I went down the same road. By midnight that night, I was watching gay porn instead of straight. That was when my voice popped out and screamed in my head, **"GAY!" **It took a while for me to accept it into truth. A whole year actually. In the middle of my freshman year I finally came to turns with myself and was happy to be me. I know I'll sound like a pervert but it was when I was in the boys locker room when I started believing it. It was just after a hard hockey practice and the whole freshman team was in the showers, all of us used to being naked in front of each other. Except I became very uncomfortable very fast when one of my best friends, since forever and a day came walking out of the showers, a towel draped loosely around his slim but toned waist. The reason I can't see, or talk straight sometimes. His name never just sits in my head. I have to put my name in front of his last name and I start imagining a lot of different scenarios that make me blush and kick myself mentally. The one true love of my life, this I was sure. James Diamond.

The only way I can describe James Diamond without losing my God damn mind is saying he is God's gift to this Earth. Everything about him is flawless and perfect. I can't go a minute without picturing his face and his amazing body. I can't help but smile and laugh to myself thinking about everything he has ever said. And I know everything he has every said. I count the steps he takes to walk from his car to his locker. I can tell when he's sad, mad and happy. I know when he's lying. He scratches his nose with two fingers, and licks his lips until he either just comes clean or he gets out of telling the truth. I think it's sexy and cute when he studies, and thinks hard because he has to wear glasses, even with his contacts. He's as blind as a bat, but a sexy bat. He always brings himself down if he doesn't understand a problem and it take an hour to reassure him he's not stupid. He's way too hard on himself. He can't take any compliments unless it's about his hair or body. He tries to act tough, and sweet at the same time, and gives off the impression that he's a lady killer and a player, but I know he's looking for that one special lady. And also…he's straight.

You would think that knowing he's straight would change my mind and just forget about him, but I can't. I'm a drug addict and the only thing that gives em a fix is James Diamond. I mean…I could tell him and see where that goes but I could never risk our friendship. We've been best friends since diapers and we live right next to each other. I know in his eyes I'm probably like a little brother. But to me, he's my everything. I have a sick obsession with him that I can't just push aside. I wish it was that easy. To just wake up, and not think about him, but it's harder than it sounds. To forget about James Diamond is like forgetting about dinner. It just doesn't happen. And trust em I've tried to find replacements. But no one compares. No one will ever be who he is to me, and no one will ever do what he does to me. I've come to terms with that. I heard that's the first step to recovery.

"Psst!" I shot up in my desk pushing my hood of my head and turned my body to see Logan, one of my other best friends staring at me. He frowned and poked my cheek with the end of his pen. "Let me guess…you finished so now your spending your free time thinking about…you-know-who."

"Voldemort…yes." I cracked a small smile and he rolled his eyes sitting back in his seat looking down at his completed test. I turned back to the front and saw our chemistry teacher staring at us, but not even caring. We were probably his best students, and never got in trouble for cheating or anything like that. I looked down at my desk anyway and yawned picking at the frayed wood of the crappy little desk my long body barely fit under. "You're wrong by the way." He snorted, probably too loud causing everyone to grumble at him to be quite and I snickered. I heard and felt him come up to my ear and chuckle.

"Sure…I believe you. You weren't thinking of your best friend, who you have a huge, ginormous crush on, but don't have the balls to tell him, oh and you can't even tell him you're gay…I'm sure you're thinking about your history paper." I rolled my eyes and pushed away from him grabbing my bag off the floor by my chair and picking up my test. Like clockwork, the bell rang overhead, signaling to all of us that was the last class of the day and it was Friday. Freedom.

I walked out of the science lab, Logan right beside me neither of us saying a word. Logan was like my brother. I told him everything. From the day my dad left em and my family, he was there for me, and let me vent. It was an unspoken agreement between us. I'd share all my ridiculous feelings, and he'd analyze em for the fun of it. He was going to be a doctor and I trusted him so I didn't really care. Besides, he always gave me sound advice. Like when I told him, and he's the only one to this date that knows, that I'm gay he said it didn't matter to him. He didn't think any less or any different of me, and went right along to playing some gory war video game. The one thing I should have never told him was I liked James because ever since then, he's been bugging me about coming clean and confessing. No wa yin hell Loges.

"So…any wild crazy party plans for tonight?" I stopped walking when he reached his locker and put in the combination, looking at me.

"Not that I know of. Finals are getting close Logan. We got to study and…" A strong, warm, familiar and safe hand grabbed the back of my neck softly and I melted instantly. How sick was it that I knew James's touch? I turned my head quick seeing him frowning between Logan and I. I forced a smile and held myself back so I didn't pounce on him then and there.

"Why am I not surprised by this? You two worrying about school work and finals…and blah, blah, blah! It's Friday! We need to be enjoying ourselves and be teenagers." I playfully shoved James off me and he bumped into Carlos who had his nose in his book, scratching his head, confused beyond belief. "God I need new friends…seriously guys! We need to do something major, and something soon before we graduate! It's out last year of high school…" I could tell there was a hint of sadness in his voice as his beautiful hazel eyes flashed over to me. I swallowed hard and gripped my straps to my backpack on my shoulder tight. I hoped he didn't notice the white knuckles and sighed in relief when he turned to Carlos. "You're parents are out of town right?" Logan looked up, horrified and shook his head fast.

"Don't be that asshole of a friend who makes his friend throw a house party and then gets in trouble by his parents. His dads a cop James…" James shook his head and smiled small, showing just enough teeth to make me wish I could kiss into his mouth. There is the stupid voice I mentioned…

"First of all I was just thinking a small get together. Us four…maybe four more people, of the female type…" he nudged me gently raising his eyebrows like an idiot and I looked down quick, hating to know he was so into girls. "Ad maybe get my mom to get us some liquor. It would be small and safe because we wouldn't leave Carlos's place. Come on…that sounds fun right?" I wanted to scream no, and protest but like always I was going to suck it up and make out with a random girl just to get through the day, to satisfy him. James was the type of guy, the type of friend who would never let you feel awkward if he was with a girl. He'd ask her, to bring a friend for his buddy. I was always the buddy because I was always single. Shocker I know.

"Well maybe it should just be us…we haven't done something like that in a while." I looked up straight to Logan, thankful or him. He would never tell James anything on my behalf but he was always trying to get us to be alone and talk. I was always too much of a chicken and our time alone never lasted long.

"Really…you guys would rather do that?" I looked to James and shrugged but nodded. He turned to Carlos and snapped the book shut he was holding.

"Uhm…Lincoln was the 16th president and signed the Emancipation Proclamation, giving slaves freedom…" James rolled his eyes and turned back to me and Logan.

"Alright…fine. I could use some help with my English and Math if you guys don't mind." I shook my head and he sighed, breathing out low and hard. "Alright then we'll go over to Carlo's tonight and just do like a weekend study jam…oh my God you guys turned me into a nerd!" I laughed and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, loving the feeling of his muscles under my fingertips. "You want to ride with me Kenny?" I blushed and pushed him away hard and fast grumbling. He was the only one I ever let get away with calling me Kenny, and I hated that he had that power over me.

"Oh hey…guys my parents are out of town…" I started walking James and Logan on either side of me and Carlos ran up beside Logan. "We can do it at my house." I saw Logan turn to him, and unbelievable look of amazement on his face. He shoved Carlos lightly and continued walking next to me.

"Jesus Christ Carlos…keep up." I smiled and stepped through the door James had opened for us. Even when Carlos and Logan had gone out and were chasing each other's to their cars, I waited for James. Again we walked side by side, no words spoken. No words could have described the pain I felt seeing the girls walk by flirting, blowing kisses. I wanted so desperately to be able to do that, but I couldn't for too many obvious reasons. And just like always when I was caught thinking about James my voice would pop up and tell me, I'm just an idiot and a fool anyway. Why would he want a guy like me if he was gay? Why would he waste his time on someone as pathetic as me?

He wouldn't.

**SO winterschild11…I THOUGHT OF A KAMES? DO YOU LIKE? OR IS IT TOO CLICHÉ? ANY AND ALL REVIEWS ARE WELCOMED! **

**OH AND THE TITLE FOR THIS STORY CAME FROM A CHRISTINA AGUILERA SONG WITH BLAKE SHELTON. I DON'T KNOW…WHEN I HEARD THE SONG MY IPOD WA SON SHUFFLE AND MY MUSIC WAS JUST PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AND WHEN THE LYRICS FLOWED THROUH MY EARS, I COUDLNT HELP BUT THINK HOW AMAZING IT WOULD BE TO HEAR JAMES AND KENDALL SING THIS. LIKE IN THE STORY, AND THEN I GOT MORE IDEAS FOR HTSI STORY SO…YEAH. **


	2. Chapter 2: High Hopes

It was like hearing God himself talk. To see James in front of me, his lips moving, softly and so perfectly, made me lose focus. Hearing him say x's and y's and numbers made me so fucking frustrated I wanted so hard to push him on his back and kiss his lips off so he couldn't talk anymore and I could finally do my work. And to know that he had no idea how irritated I was with him was even worse. He didn't even fucking care I was ripping from the seams at his expense. I just wanted to yell so loud my throat hurt, and my lungs were set on fire. I wanted to hurt him so bad, but not in a physical kind of way. In the emotional and mental way he's been hurting me. But as soon as I imagined him being in this kind of pain, it upset me. I would never want him to feel this way, because everything would come full circle and I'd start to feel the pain again.

"…so if y= the square root of 71, and x is a negative number, and z is negative 14, what is x?" I glanced to my left seeing Logan looking over the long big wooden table at Carlos and James who remained quiet and unmoved. I sighed and also turned to them. I guess I had gotten lost in my thoughts again because the last thing I heard was James. Or I could have imagined hearing James talking. "Okay…obviously you guys need a break. Why don't we call for that pizza?" Both James and Carlos jumped up and practically ran to their backpacks out in the living room. I smiled sitting back throwing my pen on the open math book in front of me. "And don't have them deliver! We'll pick It up!" I frowned at Logan who shook his head stretching his arms over his head. "I swear sometimes I feel like we're babysitters to them and not their friends." I laughed and nodded in agreement ignoring(failing) James's voice. "So…have you thought about what we were talking about today?" I nodded slowly and he perked up smiling small.

"I don't want…him…to know how I feel about him…but I think maybe I should just tell them I'm…ya know." He frowned and stood up grabbing his empty glass that had his orange soda in it. I stood up and followed quick. "I honestly don't know why I never told them before…I guess I was afraid they'd hate me, or they wouldn't understand."

"But you trusted me?" I frowned and he poured in more soda in my cup and his. "Kendall, we've been best friends forever. James and Carlos love you, even though we never tell each other that but…"

"We never tell each other that because that would make us fags." I froze, feeling every vein in my body turn to ice. My head started to spin and my stomach turned. I felt like passing out.

I know not many people are very gay friendly, but I never thought…in my craziest self-hating dreams and thoughts that James, the only guy I've ever really felt something for, would use the word and the action and the idea as something bad. It crushed my soul and it hurt my heart but like always, I'd stick around for the pain just to stay near James. "James…" Logan got kind of behind me while James stayed behind us, probably to ease him into me telling him but I didn't want to be in this room right now. The walls were closing in, and my lungs were shrinking to a small peanut. Turned quick and immediately eyed James who looked confused. I swallowed hard, and just as Carlos walking in putting his phone in his pocket, smile big on his face, I blurted out two words I never thought I'd be brave enough to say.

"I'm gay." Logan turned back to me quick, looking slightly worried but I shrugged him off. I was too concerned with James and Carlos who were both staring at me mouths wide open. I knew it was an immediate mistake when neither of them said anything. They were disgusted with me, and hated me to no end. Because I am who I am, I lost two of my best friends, one of which I was in love with. Maybe. I'm not really sure I believe in love, especially seeing the way my parents "love" worked out, and for the past 4 years I was stuck on a guy who had no idea. I had my heart set on him and here it was, on the ground being stepped on by him. It was bad about James, but Carlos…Carlos was the guy you could tell anything to, and he would in turn tell you something funny, or how he understood and would compare your situation to him. He made people feel comfortable because he was pretty open minded to a lot of things. He stuck up for girls, kids, innocent animals. He was an all-around good guy which is why I was his friend. But just like James he was…

"My uncles gay and every Christmas he always gets me a $1,000 shopping spree to the mall and helps me pick out jeans." The tears I didn't know were coming out, came out faster and I moved up quick wiping them, and closing my eyes. I couldn't help but laugh, hearing Carlos talk. "Oh and I met his sugar daddy this past Christmas. My uncle seems to really like him and he seems happy so…" I dared to peak at him and saw him shrugging opening his fridge. He had his back to me, but continued to talk. "I hope one day you can find a sugar daddy who treats you right too…or a sugar…just a regular guy. I guess more power to you if you find a sugar daddy because that means you know what you want…"

"Carlos you're going to need a longer shovel just shut the hell up." He turned to Loan quick and looked to me, blushing slightly. I nodded quick and wiped the last tear I let fall thinking I had lost my best friends. Of course there still was James to deal with…I turned to him slowly expecting to see him charging at me, fist's flying. But he wasn't even looking at me. His gaze was to Logan.

"Did he know before us?" I raised my eyebrows, the same ones who just this morning James said looked like fuzzy little brown caterpillars and he loved to see them wiggle when I was trying to be funny. "Because if you told Logan and not us…for whatever reason…I mean…I'm mad at you."

"What the…why?" He turned to me, one sexy little finger pointing accusingly at me.

"You told Logan before you told me!" The kitchen went quiet and because I had known James as long and as well as I did, I knew he was seriously hurt, and upset. "Why didn't you tell me when you told him?" His voice was more calm and quiet and I looked down swallowing hard.

"Wait a minute…why the hell is this about you? You're best friend just came out to you and you're mad at him for not telling you sooner!" Superman Carlos to the rescue everybody. "Why can't you just tell him you're happy if he's happy and if any guy breaks his heart you'll kick his ass?" I looked up to see Logan laughing taking a sip form his soda, staring at James. I looked to him quick and saw him "pouting". This…jerk of a guy was mad at me, but not doing a very good job at showing it. He was too cute I just wanted to squeeze his face off. His big strong arms were crossed over his chest staring me down. I couldn't help but pout back and bat my eyelashes hoping it won him over. It did because he huffed out and reached out, pulling me in quick and hard. My eyes closed tight hard, and fast and I inhaled as secretly as I could. We've never really had any kind of physical contact because guys don't do this. I was a little curious as to why all of a sudden, after finding out I am gay, he decided to hug me. I wasn't too curious, however to ask him out loud, because this was a rare, very rare occasion for both of us and I was going to milk it out.

"So that's why you never had a girlfriend and always seemed mad when we went on double dates with random girls?" I laughed and nodded, feeling him pulling away. It wasn't the whole truth. I was actually pretty upset some random slut got to suck on his mouth and shove her hand down his pants, especially when I couldn't. "If you don't mind…when'd you find out?" Carlos also perked up at this and I smiled leaning against the sink.

"Freshman year…well…I had an idea in 8th grade but didn't really come to terms with it until I saw a few seniors in the locker room if you catch my drift." Carlos laughed uncomfortably and Logan shoved him shaking his head. "You guys don't…like think of me any different do you?" Carlos shook his head small and sipped from a water bottle. James shook his head too and I sighed out a little. "Okay…so lets go get our pizza…"

The ride to and from the pizza place was quite, with a few funny jokes being thrown around, and no one bringing up me being gay again. I didn't know if it was just because neither of them really cared or if they didn't want to say anything to offend me. I wanted so badly for James to just confess his undying love for me, but even in my happiest dreams, that was never possible. I was just glad they weren't shunning me, or beating the shit out of me. Not that I honestly think I would let them get that may hits in. Or Logan for that matter, but I can't honestly say I would even try to stop James. If that's what he wanted I'd be all for it. It was that pain that on one side, I hated. Bu ton the other…I think I would hate it more if I didn't feel it.

As the night progressed each of us only having one beer James's mom gave us, and we had done little to no more studying, we made our way down to the basement of Carlos's house were we all usually slept when we did this. Usually Logan would purposely put me next to James, with him on the end and Carlos on the other, beside Logan. Tonight was no different, except now that they knew I was gay, mostly James, he seemed distant. Like he didn't shove me or try to start a fight with me like we usually did when we put on some lame b action movie. He didn't even sit next to me, on his sleeping bag. Instead he put himself on the couch, behind me as I leaned against it, hugging around my legs. Carlos and Logan, went off to doing their own things, watching the movie and acting like regular friends who didn't have any odd feelings between them. I knew it was my fault. I should have just told Carlos a long time ago. I shouldn't. Maybe I shouldn't had told anyone, that way when I come back for my 20th high school reunion I'd just show off my gayness and not have to worry about people hating me. Wish full thinking.

"Kendall…" My head drifted to the side and back, seeing James pushing himself off the couch. He eyed around my body and I turned quick to see Logan and Carlos passed out, sprawled out on the floor, the movie they were so into, still playing. I looked back to him and he was already standing. He put out a hand, for me and I took it cautiously, letting him lift me up. He let go of my hand and turned, motioning me to follow. I did, uneasy and slightly concerned. This wasn't a typical James Diamond move. He always liked to stay with the group and if Logan and Carlos were asleep, he'd just follow in their footsteps. He never liked to be an outcast. He once confessed to me, in a note we were passing to each other in our sophomore English class that he didn't want to go to this party, some senior football players were having but he didn't want to worry his reputation. He went anyway.

I followed him up stairs all the way to the kitchen where he grabbed a glass form the cupboard and took out the filtered pitcher from the fridge. As he was filling the glass I picked at the peperoni pizza still on the counter. I took a pepperoni and started chewing on it as he took a big gulp from his water not looking at me, or anything, actually. His eyes were closed and his head was titled back. I couldn't help but watch his Adam's apple bounce swallowing the refreshing liquid and silently cursed to myself when he brought the glass down, empty, and wiped his chin. I sighed and leaned against the counter shoving my hands in my sweat pant pockets. "Something on your mind buddy?" I smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood, when he pushed into me, crashing his perfect, pink, full pouty lips into mine. I kept my eyes open seeing his squeezed shut. I felt his hands grab onto my arms and squeeze pushing into me. I had no control over my head which was telling me to kiss him back, hard and passionately and to hold him carefully as to not scare him away. But I also had no control over my arms because he was holding them so tight. I had heard from countless girls how great of a kisser he was but this really wasn't that impressive. It seemed forced and it seemed like he wasn't happy doing it. Boy was I wrong.

There was a soft bite to my bottom lip that made me close my eyes, loosen in his grips and open my mouth partly. I've only ever kissed girls and usually I took control because they seemed hesitant. I had never been so dominated and I was slowly realizing how much I loved it. I managed to at least get my hands out of my pockets feeling his tongue swipe over my own, and reached out blindly grabbing the zip up sweater he was wearing that wasn't zipped. I had to hold on to him for dear life, feeling like this was going to end quicker than it started. I had only ever imagined, dreamed that this would happen. I had also imagined we wouldn't be clothed and we wouldn't be in our best friends kitchen but I'll take what I can get.

Just like most of the good things in my life, it ended fast. He pulled away, put only from my mouth. I kept my eyes shut hoping it wasn't going to be a dream and I'd wake up to be staring up at my ceiling. His hands stayed on my body, holding me gently and softer now. "Have you ever kissed a guy before?" I shook my head fast. "I'm not gay Kendall…I'm just…" I forced my eyelids up and saw him watching me. All I saw in his eyes, on his lips was love. But I wouldn't get my hopes up that high to have them crash down and destroyed. "I'm not gay." I nodded once and he swallowed hard letting em go softly. I kept a hold of his sweater though, feeling a burst dominance coming into me. "I liked kissing you." I put my head down quick my cheeks burning. "I want to do it again. A lot." A soft hand went on my neck and pulled my head up to look at him. "But I'm not gay." I couldn't help but smile at him. It was a fake smile. It was a pained smile. I had to hid the amount of frustration and sadness that wanted to rip out of every pore on my body.

He was lying. He scratched his nose when he said it and licked his lips fast and over a hundred times. He was lying to me because he was ashamed…or maybe afraid. He said 'I'm not gay' three times and probably more in his head. But it was a lie. And just like I had been feeling the pain of not being myself around him, and admitting my true feelings to him, he was feeling the pain to. It was inevitable. When you want to have something, like for me I wanted James, or for him, he wanted to honestly believe he wasn't gay, your mind becomes obsessed and you try your hardest to ignore the pain. But it never goes away.

However there is a silver lining in all this. For both of us. When he moved in again kissing me softer and slower this time, I realized while he could help me by just even staring at me like he loved me, I could help him…and continue to not be gay.

**WOO…WHAT A TWIST HUH?**

**THIS IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ONE OF MY BEST GAY FRIENDS. HE LIKED A GUY THAT KNEW HE WAS GAY, AND TOLD HIM HE WASN'T GAY BUT THEY ALWAYS MADE OUT. IT WAS ODD TO MY BEST FRIEND BUT NOW THEIR DATING SO…WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN!**

**ALSO…MY KOGAN STORY…THE NEW NORMAL, I'M STRUGGLIGN WITH THE LAST CHAPTER, AND YES IT IS THE LAST CHAPTER. IT WILL BE UP TOMORROW THOUGH, IF I CAN BREAK AWAY FROM FAMILY EASTER FUN! SO A HAPPY EASTER TO YOU GUYS!**

**ALSO AGAIN…I'M GOING TO BE INBETWEEN LIKE THREE DIFFERENT STORIES SO I'M SORRY IF I DON'T UPDATE ALL FO THEM AT ONCE. I LIKE TO THINK I DON'T A GOOD JOB UPDATING, SO I'LL TRY TO KEEP DOING THAT. THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT AND REVIEWS! THEY REALLY HELP ME!**

**ALSO TIMES 3…I'M GOING TO BE DOING A TWO SHOT SOON, AND I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE, WOULD LIKE TO BE AN O/C? MAYBE ONE OR TWO GIRLS, LOGAN AND KENDALL GIRLS PERFERABLLY…JUST PM ME FOR MORE INFORMATION. **


	3. Chapter 3: Help

_I liked kissing you._

_I liked kissing you._

Four words have never made my mind hurt so badly. All I wanted was to hear him say those words over and over in front of me. I wanted so much to hear him say those words, and on top of that to hear him say he loved me just as much as I loved him. But it wasn't going to happen because as he constantly reassured me he wasn't gay. But he sure kissed like he was gay. Or at least interested. I guess I shouldn't judge him that quickly because maybe he's confused and using me to find out what he wants or needs. Maybe I'm alright with that. Maybe I'm just happy I'm getting attention from him. It's sad but it's the truth.

I had no trouble sleeping the night after he made out with me in Carlos's kitchen. Usually I lie awake thinking about him, but this time I didn't. Because when we went back down in the basement Logan and Carlos were passed out, the TV black from shutting down by itself after not being used we didn't just go to sleep. I laid down, snuggling in my sleeping bag, James getting right beside me. I had turned my body to him unable to believe what just happened and he reached out pulling me into him. Our bodies were so close together I could feel his body heating mixing with mine. He kept a hand on my face as he leaned in a kissed me softly. We fell asleep so close, and still kissing. It was the best night of my life.

Except when I woke up, I was alone. Without him. He had left probably way too embarrassed to even face me. I could understand but it hurt way too much to know I could have ruined our friendship. I didn't want to be around Carlos and Logan, letting them question where James might have gone, so I left as well. Except when I pulled up in my driveway I saw his car and I remembered I live next to the dope. I got out of my car fast hoping he didn't notice me or his parents. No one did so I ran as quick as I could inside and hurried up the stairs hoping my mom or sister didn't hear me. Both were probably awake, my mom just back from work. I wasn't that lucky however. On the very middle step I heard footsteps at the bottom of the stairs and then my mom's tired voice. "You're home early." I sighed out turning around and smiled down at her. She was still wearing her scrubs but had her hair down, form the bun she usually wore it in for work. I walked back down the stairs and swallowed hard, knowing if I told my best friends last night, I could probably tell my mom and sister I'm gay. Hopefully it won't make a huge difference, like it did with James. "I thought you boys were staying all weekend?" I saw Katie plop down on the couch behind my mom and smiled small.

"Can I tell you and Katie something?" She frowned and nodded grabbing my hand and pulling me down the rest of the stairs. My mom stood in front of Katie and tore the remote out of her hand shutting off the TV. Katie glared at me stuffing her face with a spoonful of chocolate cereal and I smiled sitting next to her softly. My mom fell back in her chair and crossed one leg over the other. "Uhm…I don't really know how to actually say this because it's not something talk about to…anyone but…" My mom raised her eyebrows and gave em a small reassuring smile telling em it was okay and no matter my mother was going to always be my mother and I would always be her baby. "I'm…uhm…" I swallowed hard and glanced between my mom and sister. "I'm gay." I clenched up and turned my head down to look at the floor, worried and embarrassed. Except I had no need to be either of those things.

"So?" I looked to my baby sister fast and felt my jaw hit the floor. "And…I think everyone already kind of knew." I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest glaring at her.

"Katie Knight…look Kendall…" I turned to my mom who was standing and walking towards me. She got down on her knees in front of me and took both my hand smiling big and shaking her head. "Your sister is right. I already kind of knew. Mother's intuition. And I am so proud of you for telling us when you were ready. You are still the same little boy I used to change." I rolled my eyes but smiled and squeezed my hands, squeezing hers. "Okay! I love you and you can tell me anything anytime but I am so…so tired. You don't mind to you?" I shook my head fast and she pulled herself up on my arm. She kissed my cheek softly and ruffled Katie's messy light brown hair. When my mom walked up the stairs rubbing her head, I turned to Katie who set her cereal bowl down and patted my knee.

"Not to cause any embarrassment between the two of us or any awkwardness but we found out about two years ago. I walked in on you watching…a different kind of porn on your computer." My cheeks went red, but so did hers. We looked away and she cleared her through. "You being gay doesn't mean you're not my brother or that I'm going to see you different. You're still annoying as hell and you're interrupting my Saturday morning cartoons." I smiled and stood up from the couch patting her head. "Love you big brother."

"Love you too baby sister." I walked back up the stairs, my head in cloud nine. I was so happy that after telling my friends and my family the truth, I could easily float up the rest of the stairs. I actually wasn't worried about James for once. I actually wasn't thinking about him. Well until now anyway.

I walked in my dark and messy room, shutting the door softly before tossing my bag on the floor and going to my desk. Just as I was raising my shirt off my back I saw from my window across the way to James's house. He was only in a pair of old ripped light blue jeans that were just hanging on his waist. He didn't even have them zipped or buttoned. My mouth went bone dry and I hated how tight my own jeans were getting. I kept my shirt on as I walked over to my window. I slowly started opening it up seeing his mouth moving. When my window was completely open I moved out of the way quick and sat down at my desk. "_Uhm…just give me a minute mom! I need to go to the store for some…tape. Just one minute!" _I sighed softly and pulled open my Mac book hoping to get my history paper done as fast as I could. There was no way I could get past the first paragraph without pulling out my hair. There was nothing all that exciting about the war of 1812 but I would just BS it as best as I could.

I don't necessary hate History, I would just prefer not to study it. I was only on my second sentence when I was interrupted which I was grateful for, but then not so grateful for. "Kendall…James is here…again my cartoons were interrupted!" I smiled but it faded quickly hearing footsteps approaching my door. I spun fast just as the door pushed open. He walked in, like he owned the place and shut the door softly. I stayed in my seat as he walked to my bed and sat down. He had a frown on his face that I had to ignore because he looked way to darn sexy. I looked down and spun myself just a little.

"So…why are you home?" I frowned and looked up at him. He smiled and leaned back on my bed sighing softly. "You know I left because my mom needs help with the garage…cleaning it out and shit. What's your excuse?" My cheeks went hot and I smiled shaking my head.

"I didn't want to be there when Carlos and Logan woke up having to explain why you were gone." He nodded slow and I sat up sighing softly. "James about last night…"

"There is a club downtown that I was wondering if you'd like to go with me tonight?" I cocked my head to the side just a little and he smiled. "I already told you…I'm not gay…and I know this club will probably make you think otherwise but we could have fun. Dance, do a little drinking. It's 18 and over but the serve to everyone. I've been wanting to go for a while to…explore but I didn't have anyone to go with and who better than my best buddy on the planet?" He flashed me a truthful, heartwarming smile that pained me but in a good way. I groaned and stood up walking to my closet and pulling the door open. I had no clothes to wear to a stupid club and nothing was good enough to wear even close to James so I was going to turn him down.

"All my clothes are stupid. And I'm a horrible terrible dancer." I turned to see James locking my bedroom door, and then turning to me. "Why'd you just lock my door?" He smirked and walked right up to me making me step back into my closet. I continued to walk back until I hit my clothes hanging up and stopped swallowing hard. He chuckled and leaned against the door frame of my closet door.

"Kendall…you know exactly why I would want to lock your bedroom door." I tried so hard to grab a hold of something with my hands so I wouldn't pass out when he stepped forward and kissed em again. His lips were hot, fast and controlling. He pushed me further into the wall shoving my hanging clothes that were blocking me and pushed his hard body into mine. I grabbed ahold of his strong shoulders to hold myself up while his rough and fast fingers pushed up my shirt and touched my skin. This was defiantly a step forward form last night which was just making out. He was now touching me. Holding me softly and lovingly. His fingertips dug deep into my skin almost to the point of hurting, but I said nothing. One of his legs nudged between mine and I spread them fast. I don't know why he was planning on doing but I was nervous. I had never gotten very far with a girl or a boy, and I've only ever been with a girl. I grabbed one boob and felt between a few soft smooth legs but that was it. I've never had another person touch me, especially a guy. Especially James. It was amazing to say the least but it still was awkward and nerve-racking. I had to pull away from the kiss, as much as I didn't want, but I needed to get my head on straight. He didn't stop. Hi sips just moved down to my neck and sucked on it hard, biting her an there.

"James…what are you doing?" One of his hands moved to my lower stomach and continued to push down even when I started to push on his hard shoulders. "James…" His hand shoved in my pants and I gasped out arching my back and closing my eyes. His hand just kind of stayed there, wrapped loosely on my flaccid dick. I opened my eyes looking up at my closet ceiling and swallowed hard. "James…"

"I've never…never done this before. I've never touched another guy. I don't…I don't know what to be Kendall." I relaxed in his grasps and let one of my hands move to the back of his neck and rub my fingers through his soft brown hair making his face, already pressed in my neck, go a little deeper. There was a soft kiss to my fiery skin before he let go of my dick and took his hand out of my pants. Both hands moved quick to the small of my back and pulled me into his strong body. I closed my eyes and laid my head on his and sighed softly twirling his hair around my fingers. I knew exactly this was. He was probably going to tell me he was confused about his sexuality and that he wanted me to help him decide if he was or not. This has played out in my head way too many times. "I tried so hard to tell myself I'm not gay. But I can't stop…I can't stop thinking about guys whenever I'm with girls. And I lied…I've been to the club I asked you about. I'm not proud of…shit I'm rambling. Just…text me if you want to go with me." He started to pull away but I locked my fingers around the back of his neck. Finally I got to lock eyes with him and see the struggle and pain he was going through. I got up on my toes and kissed his forehead softly.

"I am someone who understands James. You don't have to be ashamed." He closed his eyes and shook his head softly. "I'll go with you tonight…if you want. Or if you just want to talk about…anything we can do that…"

"No I'd really like to go out." I nodded reassuringly and he leaned forward resting his forehead on mine. "How did you tell Logan you were gay?" I smiled and shrugged.

"I just told him I'm gay. It was pretty terrifying actually." He smiled and I felt him pull me in harder.

"I'm pretty scared too." I frowned and he kissed my lips softly, just brushing across them gently. "I'm gay Kendall. And I don't know how to be myself. And I need your help."


	4. Chapter 4: Dance

Usually music calms me down. It helps me act "normal"-ish. When the first couple of notes come out and the 808 starts, or the strum of the guitar hits my ear drums, my whole body goes to a different place. I feel free when I can bob my head along, and tap my toes to the beat because it's not something I have to think about. Just for 3 minutes I can be just me. There is no wires holding me up and no makeup on my face to show a different 18 year old kid. Music really is the only way to my soul, and without it I'm afraid there wouldn't be a point to living as emo as that sounds.

But this kind of music was different. It made me nervous and it made me fell seriously out of place. I've never been in a regular club but I had to imagine they aren't as dirty or dark as the gay ones. If I wasn't with James I think I would probably back out. If I didn't have his arm to cling onto as we made our way into the dark, loud and dirty club I would have left. But he was there with me and he did let me hold his big strong arm. He paid the cover charge for both of us which was 20 bucks each, kind of high for a dance club if I were to say. He pushed is in past the guy at the front stamping our hands, giving us a weird creepy look and pulled me along all the way to the back of the club where the bar was. There were thankfully two empty seats in the middle and he set em down leaned over the bar getting the bartenders attention. I glanced around the loud club and saw guy after guy grinding on each other, making out, drinking different colored drinks, not a care in the world. It wasn't really my scene. I'd rather stay home and read or play video games, but James was very persuasive. A few guys walking by us stared at James's ass that was very out for display as he tried getting the bartender and some even winked at me and licked their lips. It was actually pretty exciting for me. I've never had any kind of gay interaction with anyone other than James so this was actually fun for me. However when you have more than two guys give you a nasty look, and creepy smile it gets weird and you want to leave quick. I turned back to James and watched him sit down hard huffing. "Do you know what you want?" He pointed to the bar and I shrugged putting my hands in my lap. He laughed, sending shock wave sup to my brain making my heart race. "Well do you want to drink? I can't because I'm your designated driver and your mom would kill me but you can drink if you want…" I shook my head and he leaned in to my ear kissing it softly. "You don't have to be nervous. I won't let something happen to you." I smiled and nodded feeling him pull away. When his body left contact with mine I turned his head to watch him quick as he leaned against the bar again and talked swiftly to the guy only in a pair of black tight skinny jeans and a black leather vest open. "Can I get two cokes and two waters?" The guy nodded and walked away fast. I continued to stare at James as he flicked his hair out of his eyes and looked down the bar at all the men there. Of course. I was here but he was looking for someone, anyone else. Just as I leaned against the bar and was starting to regret this already there was a soft hand that gently rubbed my upper back. I turned quick seeing James turned still and saw a very big, buff guy lean into me fast, that I couldn't even see his face. I just knew he smelt like heaven form his cologne.

"You are defiantly new. I would have remembered seeing a beautiful blonde piece of ass like you before." I cringed and tried to see James still looking down the bar. "Come dance with me." His hand started to go up on the back of my neck and I turned back to finally see the guy. He was ridiculously good looking. Except it was the good kind of good looking like James. This guy looked like he probably had put a few hundred dollars in his face to make it look the way it did. He had jet black hair that was slicked up in the front and he also had tattoos up and down his neck and arms. "What do you say cutie? Come dance with me?" I opened my mouth to say something when he grabbed my arm and started pulling me up. My voice was completely lost and for some reason my body was letting him take me away from my seat and away from James. He had me two steps away when my other arm was pulled back and James was in front of me.

"He's not interested pervert! He's only 18! Fuck off." The guy huffed and shrugged walking away. James turned back to me and pushed me back in my seat. He sat down next to me and pushed a bottle of water in front of me and a glass of bubbling soda. I took the soda first and downed at least half of it. "You'll have to watch out for that. A bunch of old guys come in here and try to get with the younger ones. Always watch your drinks around them. They will slip you something. That's why I had to watch the bartender in case someone asked him to slip something in ours." I gently set my drink back down and smiled, swallowing hard. He took a sip of his own and eyed me closely. I wanted so hard to jump on him and kiss him for being my hero but I kept my cool.

"So this has happened before? When you were here last time?" I wanted to seem as casual as I could so he couldn't tell how nervous I was and it worked because he nodded but kind of shrugged.

"Yes and no. I almost drank something some guy brought me when this older guy came over and stopped me. He told the guy to leave em alone and then took me to his private booth. He introduced himself to me as the owner of this fine club." He motioned around us and I nodded taking another sip of my coke. "That was the thing I didn't really go into details about. I may have made out with the guy but I was kind of drunk so I don't know if that's all that happened." I swallowed hard hating I was hearing any of this but put on my best poker face. "Just don't go here by yourself alright? Guys will try to take advantage of a guy like you?" I put my empty glass down and frowned at him, trying to be offended. He chuckled and set a hand on my knee starting a fire in the pit of my stomach. "You come off as a cute shy incapable of kicking someone's ass kind of guy. They can smell that a mile away…now…come dance with me." He grabbed both our water bottles and one of my hands, lacing our fingers together and pulled me out into the very crowded and hot dance floor. I squeezed his hand feeling bodies grinding on to me, hoping I would lose him in this crowd. And I never did.

We got directly in the middle and he quickly pulled me into his body making my arms go around his neck, while he set his around my waist still holding our bottles. I finally got to look directly in his eyes as he started bouncing us to the loud thumping of a heavy bass and high treble. I've never really liked dancing because I've never been that good and my long legs always get tangled with each other. And if I do dance I like to dance to music with words that I can relate to. Not just this electronic stuff. But I had to admit, being with James and looking into his beautiful hazel eyes changed my mind quick. I could really get used to all of this because without ever admitting it to anyone, I liked the feeling of being dominated which, James did so well. He rolled his hips against mine which would then of course make mine roll. It was like we were one body, one soul as cheesy as it sounds. I trusted him so much that while clinging onto him, looking deep in his eyes, not saying one word, I could feel the people around us but knew none of them could even come near me. He made that perfectly clear. It was like one person looked at me wrong and James would start swinging fists. My pride and my manhood didn't even care.

I got lost, so very lost in his eyes it took me a couple seconds to realize he was talking to me. He was saying my name over and over again and when I snapped out of my trance both of us smiled and laughed. He seemed to pull me in closer to him so our lips were pretty close and I resisted kissing him because he was trying to talk to me. "You've never told me…am I just hitting on you and flirting with you for no reason? Like…I know we've been best friends forever but I don't know…you were the first guy I actually kind of noticed…in that way. And then hearing you were gay…it kind of made sense you know?"

"In what way?" I tickled the back of his neck, knowing how much that got him going and he shrugged tearing his gaze away. I brought a hand out and pulled his face back to mine, just thinking this was all to surreal and in the morning when I woke up form this amazing dream id have to remember I had no chance in hell. "You know…I lied to you about when I realize di actually was gay." He frowned and I laughed kissing his lips softly. "It wasn't seniors that I saw and got a boner for. Honestly…" I swallowed hard and tried to find an excuse not to tell him my feelings, but nothing was coming up. "It was you. I got a boner for you James Diamond and for the past three years I've been hopelessly in love with you always too afraid to say so." I smiled small and he mirrored my facial expressions, which I took as a good sign. "Now…what made sense after hearing I was gay?" He bit his bottom lip in the sexiest way possible and tilted his head down. I sighed and glanced to the side seeing at least four guys, all of which were touching each other, practically fucking. I didn't know how long we had been here, but I was ready to leave I just didn't know how if James would want to…

"Do you want to leave?" I snapped to him quick and nodded fast smiling big. He grabbed one of my hands, our waters gone from who knows when and pulled me out of the club.

"Wait don't you need to pay for our drinks?" He only shook his head and I frowned ignoring the stares most of all the guys were giving us. We must have had a target on our back because no matter where we were we were being watched. By hawks. I didn't care because I was being dragged out of that club, thankfully and towards James truck. When he opened the back door and I got in, followed by him, my stomach twisted into knots. I had no time to even ask a single syllable before his lips were on mine and he was pushing me down onto the seat. I gave in, very willingly as he laid his body on mine, and just like when we were dancing his body started to grind on top of mine but there was no music. No music was needed for this type of dancing. Which when I thought of it at that point, I was wondering what kind of dancing he was thinking about doing. It seemed to many times before I was pulling away from his hot kisses to ask stupid questions probably. "James…is this all this is going to be?" He hovered over me, showing off the impressive muscles in his arms. "I just kind of confessed I love you and you take me in the back of your truck to do…what?" I hated that my right brain was speaking while my dick was being silenced by my pants. "I don't want our relationship to be ruined because you just want to use me to dins yourself and try to figure out what you want in life because I'm not that guy and I would hope you have more respect for me in that manner and…" A finger was put over my lips and we locked eyes again for like the billionth time this night.

"First of all you are a great kisser, I get distracted by pretty shinny things sometimes, A.K.A. your lips." My cheeks went hot and he smiled. "Second. I…please don't get mad when I say this but I don't know if it's love Kendall. Yes…I love you. I know I always have, I just don't know if I'm in love with you. Yet." I smiled small and let my fingers run over the skin tight white shirt he had on under a black button up shirt he kept open. "Third…I'm not an open gay, and I know you're not either so you can't tell me, that this…being in secret and just being with each other, isn't the best plan until we grow some balls and come out, officially so to speak." I rolled my eyes knowing that wasn't going to happen. At least not in high school. "So…is this all this is going to be? No. Probably not. I'll take you out to dinner, write you obnoxious love notes in class and sneak in your bedroom window just to kiss you good night. It's called a relationship. Ya know…Boyfriend and boyfriend. Except…the only people that know will be us." My heart literally stopped beating hearing him say relationship and boyfriend. That's all I really needed to hear to know if I died tomorrow, my life would be complete. "I know that probably makes me sound like a jackass because I would love to show you off, but for now…" It was my turn to cover his lips with a finger and he bunched his eyebrows together frustrated. I smiled and kissed the finger that was still on my lips. He moved it and I sighed softly.

"Boyfriend and boyfriend?" He nodded fast smiling on my finger and I chuckled nodded. "You should know I get needy. These love notes better be novels, and those dinners better be 5 star mister." He moved down quick and kissed onto my mouth fast and hard.

It was kind of hot making out in the back of his truck, windows up causing the temperature to go up 20 degrees more, the window fogging up. It was almost even hotter being in the parking lot of a gay club. It was our special time where it was just us and no one there to interrupt or judge. It was refreshing. It helped when our shirts came off and we kissed all over every square inch of skin we saw on each other. I had completely forgot about time and the importance of it until he looked at his watch and told me it was almost 1 in the morning. My mom was still at work, would be until 7 but that didn't mean Katie wouldn't rat me out. We drove away from our parking spot, the one that I would always remember as James Diamond asking me to be his boyfriend and drove in silence, holding each other's hands gently. He kept one hand on the wheel while I held his other in both mine. I couldn't stop smiling and for once I was genuinely happy. Even when we pulled into his driveway, and I saw both Logan's and Carlos's car in front of my house. We walked to my house, not touching each other. Not even looking at each other. We would act like nothing happened, and if anyone asked about the hickeys and love bites marking up our bodies, we'd tell them we met some girls and almost got lucky. Well we did get lucky but not in any way they would think.

I waked in the house first, being as quite as I could James right behind me. Sitting, rather sleeping on the couch was Logan, Carlos and Katie. Katie was in the middle her head on Logan's shoulder, and her feet on Carlos's lap. I shut the door softly, but the codl air crept in, waking all three up. I groaned as James got beside and Katie stood up yawning and stretching. "You are like so late big brother. Curfew's midnight."

"I know…I'll buy you whatever you want. Please don't tell mom." She eyed me walking to the stairs and stopped at the bottom smiling small.

"I want the iPod."

"Done." She turned walking up the stairs, accomplished and I sighed looking to my friends who were still on the couch. Both James and I waked to them, getting in between them, making them scoot over. We did it on purpose to sit next each other. I looked to Logan who was staring at my neck and I sighed rubbing it. "James and I met some girls. Don't judge us alright. And no they don't have any other friends Carlos." I sat back yawning hearing them laugh while Carlos eyed me.

"Jesus…whoever this girl was scratched up your neck bro. And bit you like a fucking vampire." I eyed James as he blushed and shrugged swatting Carlos's hand away from his neck.

"Yeah…she was actually pretty amazing." He emphasized amazing and I had to look away so I wouldn't blush and give us away. I put my attention on the TV seeing an old cartoon playing. Even with the house completely dark, minus the TV light I could see his hand inches from my thigh. Images form less than an hour ago came flooding into my mind about that hand and I to sink in my couch cushion so no one could tell I was trying not to get a boner. But someone did notice. James kept looking at me form the corner of his eye with a small sexy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

I swear, and I might even had imagined it, but I saw him mouth "boyfriend" while smiling still. I smirked back at him and "raised" my legs up onto the coffee table to rest them there while accidently hitting his knee. He sucked in a hard breath making my smile bigger. Maybe this would be interesting…


	5. Chapter 5: Change My Mind

I had always kind of hated going to school mostly because I always felt out of place. No one around me was like me. I could not feel like I fit any anywhere because I had this horrible secret that would make everyone hate me and probably get my ass kicked. That's why I usually just hung out with James, Carlos and Logan every day. We always did the same things at lunch walked with each other to and from classes and hung with the same group of people they called friends. I never really got to know any of them because some of the guys were the type who would beat a kid for being gay. I loved my friends to death but they didn't make very good choices in other friends.

But this Monday morning was different. I had left my house pouting slightly seeing James truck already gone. But I remembered what had happened this past weekend and knew I couldn't stay mad at him for too long. Especially because he did keep his promise. He came into my room last night, just as I had laid down. He climbed up the tree between our houses and pushed my window open pulling himself in. He jumped on top of me quick and kissed all over my face, mouth, and neck telling me sweet little nothings. When he did stop kissing me, he laid beside me holding me gently and without even meaning too, I fell asleep in his arms. I was so hopelessly in love with this kid I could barely see straight. Thankfully I got to school safety and parked in the back of the senior parking lot next to Logan's nice four door BMW and shut off my car, and my loud music unbuckling my seatbelt. I reached in my passenger seat for my backpack when I noticed a yellow 70 page notebook on my seat. It wasn't mine, and I don't remember getting a new one and leaving it in my car. I frowned picking it up quick and opened it up to the first page. I recognized James handwriting quick and smiled reading to myself in my head. "_I promised you love notes…but I want some back buddy. They better be so heartfelt you make me cry punk!" _That was all it said but I laughed and shook my head anyway shoving the notebook in my backpack.

Usually kids were littering parking lot but because it was just the beginning of spring and it was raining, everyone was inside the school or at least in the quad outside the gym. I hadn't heard form James, Carlos or Logan so I just walked in the school going straight to my locker which was sort of close to Logan's. They assigned the lockers by class, and then by last name so the k's were always sort of close to the L's. But Logan wasn't at his locker like usual, with his nose in a book waiting for us. But he wasn't I frowned, seeing almost all of the hallway empty except for two kids who looked like freshman laughing and talking by some lockers. I shrugged it off and opened my locker quick exchanging books and grabbing extra pens and pencils. I left my locker open as I grabbed my phone and opened up a message to James. Just as I started texting the doors at the other end of the hall opened up and loud talking, from a lot of people rushed in making me turn. As the crowd thinned out going to classrooms, I spotted Logan, Carlos, and James laughing and walking towards me. The first one to notice me was James and he smiled big. I smiled back and sheepishly looked between the three of them. "Well look who decided to show up! You're like two hours late. You already missed 1st and 2nd periods." I frowned looking down at my phone and saw Logan was telling me the truth. I looked up to see James leaning against the locker in front of me holding back laughter. "You have no idea the power went out last night do you?" I sighed, giving James a dirty look and shook my head. "Yeah most people didn't. I just can't believe you didn't find anything wrong with no one around and you begin the last person to drive into school."

"My mind was somewhere else…" I stared at James who pushed off the locker and laughed while walking to the stairs to go up to the second level. Logan pulled me along and Carlos chased after James asking him about some girl in their last class. We all had history together and I was still trying to wrap around not waking up in time, or noticing I was the last person to come in. "So are the bells not working? I didn't hear them…" I glanced to Logan who nodded smiling at a pretty girl walking by us.

"They managed to get the power on, and the lights working, but the wiring got fucked up or something for the bells. I don't know…" He looked up at me after seeing James and Carlos still a little ahead of us. "You and James…seem different. Like after told him you were…you guys got closer." I shrugged and nodded not knowing what to say. "Maybe that could give you some confidence to tell him how you feel about him." He dropped his voice lower so people walking past us couldn't hear us but I laughed stopping and watching James and Carlos walk in our history class. "Dude…he's your best friend. He should know the truth. It might help." I patted his shoulder gently and swallowed hard.

"I know…I'll think about it. Baby steps Logan." He nodded and walked into our history class, me following close.

I took my usual seat at the very back in the corner. Logan got in front of me, James beside me and Carlos in front of James. It was our own corner so we could fuck off without getting in trouble. I pulled out my history book and a binder and the yellow notebook. I glanced over at James as our teacher started writing at the board and he looked to the notebook but then up at me. I smiled small and he blushed looking away. I chuckled quietly to myself and looked up at the board, sitting back in my chair, ready for another boring day. Except for once I was drawn into what my history teacher was writing on the board. In big bold letters he had put Human Rights up. He put three lines under the words and turned to all of us clearing his throat and clapping his hands loudly. "Alright…who wants to tell me what these two words mean?" One of the guys that I had mentioned, the one who we hung out with, a jock type who acted like he was the shit raised his hand and laughed to himself.

"Uhm it's that stuff Martin Luther King got killed for…" I rolled my eyes hearing some kids laugh at him, calling him stupid and our teacher, Mr. Smith sighed and put his hand son his hips, pacing in front fo the front desks.

"Yes but…that was the civil rights movement. What are those two words, and why In the hell would I put them up on this board?" Logan of course raised his hand in front of me and our teacher pointed to him.

"It's about every human having the right to be happy…I guess you'd bring it up because people are trying to get the government to allow gay marriage." I perked up a little and my teacher nodded pointing at Logan.

"Yes. And just as Mr. Lawrence pointed out brilliantly, it can also have something to do with civil rights. It's the idea that people are people and they should be allowed equal rights like everyone else, regardless of race, age, sex, sexual orientation." He stopped and glanced around us shaking his head softly. "You guys are our country's future. You have the power to be able to change the way this world treats its people. Just like Martin Luther King Jr. and many before him including Abe Lincoln, people have been trying to make this world better. Lincoln freed the slaves…how'd he do it?" Carlos shot up his hand fast and James, Logan and myself all laughed at him. He rarely answered questions in class. This was a rare opportunity for him. "Yes Mr. Garcia?"

"Emancipation proclamation." Our teacher smiled and laughed quietly and Carlos walking to the board.

"Okay…so the slaves got freed and it allowed the blacks basic human rights because they _are _humans. Does anyone see a correlation between what happened then and what's happening now?" The class stayed quiet and I saw James shift uncomfortable beside me. "In this country we are not allowing every single citizen of these United States the same basic freedom to be in love and get married. Why do you think that is?"

"Because if fags got married it'd ruin the sanctity of marriage." Stan Lawrence said it proud and loud making James turn to him angry. "I mean…two dudes can't have kids. Neither can two chicks. They would have to do the whole artificial insemination, taking away the chance for two normal straight people to have kids, to raise in a normal house." I looked down at my desk hurting deep down in my core hearing this assholes thoughts. I know there are a lot of bigots in the world and a lot of people are homophobic but it had never been this close to home.

"SO you think giving gay people and I'll ask you to refrain from using that word again…in this country allowed the gay people the same freedom as "the normal" people, it would ruin the foundation of a happy healthy home?" I looked up quick and saw Stan nod his head no remorse for what he was saying. "Mr. Lawrence, that kind of ignorance is based off misinformation and pure fear of the unknown. There is no scientific data proven that two men raising a family will harm that child. How can you be so brash on believing it so strongly?"

"Because I wouldn't want to gay guys raising an innocent kid and turning him into a gay." My mouth parted slightly and I saw both Carlos and Logan glance back at me, pity written all over their faces. I forced a smile and rolled my eyes, acting like it didn't bother me. But it did. It hurt me so bad.

"You know what I heard…" James voice really cleared the clouds form my head and I turned to see him very tense staring at Stan who looked back at him an amused face. "When some guys are so homophobic it's because they themselves are gay." Stan's face turned angry quick and James laughed. "DO you have any idea who idiotic and how cruel you sound? Who gave you the right, or any one the right to dictate people's lives? Why can't you just let people be happy regardless of what makes them happy?"

"So if a dude was touching little kids and hurting them because it makes him happy , were just supposed to sit back and let him because it's his basic human right to be happy?" James sat up straight and Stan shook his head. "Laws are made in place for a reason, and why do you care so much anyway? You're not a fag James."

"You seriously just compared child molesters to gay people?!" Stan shrugged his shoulders and the teacher started walking towards them, but he was too late. James jumped out of his seat and pulled Stan up from his seat and swung hard hitting his face. Kids, mostly the girls jumped up and away getting behind Carlos, the teacher and some other guys trying to pull them off each other, but to many fists were being thrown and James fell on his back, Stan getting on top of him, hitting his face some more. I moved forward quick, climbing over desks, to get Stan off James. When Mr. Smith finally got Stan off James eh moved him to the front of the classroom and yelled for everyone to sit down. Carlos and I quickly helped James up and I saw blood coming out of his nose.

"Mr. Diamond! Outside now! You too Mr. Lawrence!" He held the back of Stand shirt and pulled him outside the classroom. James shrugged out between Carlos and I and hurried out after them.

One of the teachers from next door came over and supervised us while Mr. Smith was gone and had us read quietly from our books. Some kids started talking quietly and some asked Carlos, Logan and I if James got so upset because he was gay and Carlos angrily told them to shut up and don't be stupid. I swallowed hard and wanted to tell him and Logan the truth, about what had happened this weekend between James and I but didn't. I promised James we'd keep it between us and like he promised about the kisses before I went to sleep and the love notes, I would keep this one promise as well.

Just as the class ended, the bells not working still, Mr. Smith walked in, a little bit of blood on his white button up shirt. He told everyone to turn in the papers we had written before leaving and while everyone hurried out to get to their next class, I slowly picked up all of James things that had been knocked to the ground. I put them in his backpack and grabbed his paper putting it under mine and walked to his front desk, where he was sitting down watching everyone walk by. I was the last to get to him shooing Logan and Carlos out and gently set the papers on the desk. I cleared my throat and Mr. Smith looked up smiling small. "Thanks for helping me get them off each other." I nodded and just like when I had told Carlos and James I was gay, it slipped out again.

"Mr. Smith…I'm gay." He slowly stood and I gripped both James and my backpacks. "So is…James, but you can't say anything, please." He closed his mouth fast sucking in a hard breath putting his hand son his hips. "Is he going to get in trouble? Like not be able to graduate?" He shook his head fast and straightened the piles of papers on his desk.

"I think he's going to be suspended for a week. He did start the fight." I nodded and looked down feeling like this was somehow my fault. "Mr. Knight…I think it's very brave and honorable that James would defend himself and you like that. And…" I looked up and he smiled. "I know how it feels. I struggled with coming out when I was in high school." My eyes widened and he laughed nodding. "It gets better trust me. And if you guys have each other, it will be that much easier." I nodded slowly and heard kids staring to walk in. "Get to class Kendall." I nodded and backed out smiling small at him and waving softly.

The rest of the day, I waited patiently to see James walk into any classes with me, but he never did. When school ended, I still had James backpack with me, I decided to wait by his locker for a few minutes, Carlos and Logan just leaving to go home, and after 5 minutes and he didn't come I groaned and walked out to my car, hoping when he could, he'd just call me. Most of the parking lot was empty except for my car a few teachers cars and…James's truck. I picked up speed walking over to it and smiled seeing him standing outside his open door with his phone to his ear. I walked up to him fast ad when he saw me he smiled and put his phone down. There was a bandage on the bridge of his nose and both his eyes seemed to be a little bruised. "I was just calling you. Logan told me you had my stuff. Thanks for getting it for me." I nodded and gently handed him his bag. "I'm suspended until next Tuesday." I frowned and stepped closer to him, hoping we were completely alone. "It would have been worse if I didn't have good grades, and this wasn't my first offense." I nodded again and he threw his bag in his truck turning back to me fast. "No one knows do they?" I shook my head softly. I saw one of his hands reach out and he gently pulled me forward by my shirt. I stopped inches from his face and he leaned out quick, kissing my lips softly. When he pulled away he pulled himself in his truck. "I need to go see my mom at work. I guess I'm in like…a lot of trouble." I smiled and shut his door for him. He stuck his head out his window and smiled at me. "But I will be by your place tonight. I'll need to get work from you." He winked sneakily and I chuckled stepping away from his truck as he turned on the engine. "See you later Kendall." I waved small and he backed out, carefully, and sped off screeching his truck tires.

As I drove myself home, I was again lost in thoughts of James. Except these were new thoughts. Some that I had never imagined I'd ever think. I was slowly starting to convince myself that James did love me. He hadn't said it yet, and he was probably going to think hard about if he was or not, but I think I already knew. He just got himself suspended for something no one knew he felt so strong about, except me. He was sticking up for beliefs that no one knew he, himself believed, and for my beliefs. Was I over thinking this? Probably. Was I getting ahead of myself thinking that he was starting to do things for me, and strictly me? Probably, yeah.

And when I got home, for the second time after taking out for some fast food for dinner, and I got up to my room, I had proven myself right. Laying on my bed shoes off, snuggled under my blankets was James. I locked my door tore my sweater off and kicked off my shoes as well, climbing in with him. He turned on his side and pushed the hood of his sweater off his head raising his arm. I laid down on his other arm and pulled myself into his body. He wrapped his other hand around my body and put our forehead's together. His eyes closed and he breathed in deeply squeezing around me. I balled up my fist grabbing onto his shirt and tugged him hoping he wasn't going to leave me. And when he kissed me softly, I kissed back and again I had convinced myself he did love me, without even saying it. I didn't need to hear it. It wouldn't have changed my mind about him either way.


	6. Chapter 6: If

First date jitters always seemed to get the best of me. Granted, my first dates, were always the last because the girls I would go out…well in the simplest terms, they weren't James, so I never stayed interested for very long. And I always was on a double date with James which added to the nerves. I was always afraid I would let something slip to him, and my world would come crumbling down. And now, those fears and these nerves seemed to double tenfold because this time, my first date was going to be with James, himself. And this time I was going into it already begin in a relationship with him. No matter how nervous I was, and how scared I let myself get, knowing it was going to be with him, made it all seem okay.

I've never really been one to impress with the way I dress. I guess you could say I dress like any other normal 18 year old kid. And tonight I was going to stay the same. I had asked James if he had anything nice, or fancy to wear for our date and he shot me down quick. He claimed he love my style, thought it was cute that I mix matched sometimes. So he told me, I should wear what I always wear, and nothing too fancy. It wasn't going to be that kind of date. So as usual I decided to wear a pair of skinny jeans. They were dark blue, and new so they fit me really good. I had never thought about it, but James told me I had a great ass and the skinny jeans helped. Just to rub it in his face that I had no fashion sense and that he should have let me borrow something, I wore a plain black V-neck and a light, white hoodie. I slipped on simple vans and sprayed some cologne on my chest, hoping he liked it. Again, I wasn't trying to impress all that much, but I brushed my teeth put some gel in my hair making it look halfway decent and put on my favorite necklace, and bracelet. When I was finished, I glanced at myself in the bathroom mirror and sighing thinking it was as good as it was going to get.

When I got downstairs, James texted me telling me it was okay to meet him at the spot he told, because he was set up and ready. I grabbed my keys on the small table by the door and put my hand on the door knob. "Whoa…whoa, whoa. Wait a minute mister. Let me see you." I groaned turning around to face my mother. Of course James had to do the date, on the one night my mom had off. She hurried over to me and smiled brushing my shoulders off. "I know I never make a big deal out of your dates but this is your first one with a boy so…I'm going to make a big deal out of it." I slouched and put my head back closing my eyes. "Same rules Kendall…no drinking, no parties, and home by midnight. And…" I looked down and saw her pull a condom out of the back pocket of her jeans. I gasped out and stepped back seeing Katie glancing between us laughing to herself. "Until you introduce this mystery guy to me, I don't trust him. So…either you take this and you give your mother the opportunity to sleep soundly, or you don't go at all." I reached for it quick but she pulled it back quick. "Why are you so eager to take this condom Kendall?"

"Because you're embarrassing the hell out of me mom and I'm going to be late for my date!" She narrowed her eyes at me and gently handed the wrapper to me. I quickly shoved the condom in my back pocket and sighed out. "Can I go now?" She put her hand son my face and kissed me, in a very motherly way. I shooed her away, said goodbye to Katie and hurried out of the house practically running to the car.

I really had no idea what would be at the address when I got there. He just told me how to get there and told me the number. I was thinking it was going to be a restaurant, or maybe a little park or something…I don't know. James was still very in the closet and so was I, so I doubt he would even take me out to a public place. And of course he said it was nothing fancy which I actually liked. I didn't want to be in a crowd like when we went to the club. Knowing James Diamond was my boyfriend kind of made me a little crazy. I just wanted him to myself all the time. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

I hated that it was dark, and the street that he said he was on, barely had any lights. It made it that much harder to see numbers for the address. And I got more than confused when I realized this street only had houses. I frowned stopping in front of one of the houses and squinted slightly. It read 4180 and I saw James truck up on the slanted driveway, but it had to be a mistake because this place…it was a freaking mansion! It was only one story but there was more square footage then both my house and James's combined. Actually it was so big it was probably both our houses, and Logan and Carlos's combined. I had no idea if I even wanted to do this anymore. He was probably at some lame high school party with a bunch of rude jocks. I mean…I was a jock but I wasn't a dick. I slouched in my seat wondering if I should text him and tell him I was sick…yeah I'll tell him I got the stomach flu. Just as I pulled my phone out of my sweater pocket, it vibrated. A message from James. Of course. "_You going to sit out there all night? Should I bring your dinner to your car?" _I groaned and jumped out of my car leaving it unlocked. This looked like the kind of neighborhood where no one was going to be stealing anything.

The walk up to the front door was sort of magical. It was just stepping stones surrounded by cut and healthy looking grass. There were little lights lining the walkway and on the outsides of the stones were pretty flowers and colorful plants. All of it was well maintained and since spring had sprung it gave the area a nice fresh smell. When I got to the door, which was a big block of wood practically I sighed softly knocking kind of rough. It opened almost immediately and I was grazed James's smiling face. His hair was perfectly in place, and there were no visible flaws on his tan soft face. "Wow…I love that you really dressed up for me." I blushed hard and looked down at my body mentally hitting myself in the nuts. I was in jeans and a plain shirt. He had on a dark blue button up shirt with regular blue jeans that weren't tight, but weren't baggy. He looked like a model and I looked like hobo.

"You should have let me borrow something jerk…" I tried fixing my clothes in anyway and started tugging on my shirt. My stomach started to turn in knots and my face got really hot, it felt like I was going to start sweating. And then my hands were grabbed away from my body, and I was pulled into him hard and quick. Our chest's hit onto each other and I looked up seeing him smiling small at me shaking his head.

"I was kidding. I think you look great." His hands let go of mine and went into my front pockets pulling me closer to him. SO close I could smell his cologne mix in with mine, and for just a second I could smell something…something cooked maybe. "Did you find the place okay?" I nodded softly and he kissed me. Every fear and nerve left my body and I relaxed greatly.

"Whose house is this?" he left one hand in my pocket as he turned away from me and led me inside. Just go follow in his footsteps, I slipped one hand in the back of his jeans. I shut the door, the very heavy big door, quickly while he continued to pull me along. He was walking kind of fast so I had to take in my surroundings fast. The front entry way was covered in beautiful pieces of art, and pretty green plants. The walls were a soft yellow color and about 20 feet tall. It had a tiled floor with a rug leading form the front door down a hall where he was leading me.

"Well…remember I told you about the guy I met at the club? The owner?" I tensed up walking into an open, and very large kitchen. "Well since I've been out of school this whole week, I decided to go pay him a visit. See if there was any job's open. Just want to start saving money, ya know?" I smiled small and pulled my hand out of his pocket as he let go of mine. He pointed to a stool in front of the island and I moved to it noticing a place set up already. There was a black plate with a red napkin in a silver napkin holder on top of a white placemat. There was also a glass, empty set in the corner and when I sat down on the stool, I noticed one more set up next to me the exact same way. "Anyway…I went to him and he doesn't have any positions open at his bar, but he said he needed a house sitter for the week and he's paying me a grand. Pretty sweet deal, huh?" I looked up at him and with his back to my I took off my sweater and hung it on the back of my stool.

"So were on a date at a guy's house who you're house sitting for, who you also made out with, and maybe more?" He turned to me slowly a small smile on his face. I put my arms on the island and frowned at him. "I'm not jealous so don't go there. I just…can you trust him?"

"He asked me to house sit his 5 million dollar home and you want to know if I trust him?" I put my head down and tried to think of what to say next. "Kendall…I'm cooking you dinner, a damn good dinner in a 5 million dollar home, where there is a heated pool and hot tub and you're questioning me?" I looked up ready to try and explain myself but he wasn't there. I turned my head to left and still didn't see him. When I tried turning my head to the right, I was stopped by a body coming up behind me, and holding onto my sides. He started nuzzling into my ear and I sighed softly looking at the stove he was just at. All I could see was a big pot with steam coming up from it. "Please don't start making wild pictures in your head. I'm just house-sitting for him, regardless of what happened before. You…" One of his hands moved from the side of my body up to my stomach, and up to my chest. "Are the only guy I got my sights on." I grinned and nodded softly letting him nibble at my ear. "And I hope you are ready for the best date in the history of the world." I nodded again and just like that, he was gone.

While he finished cooking dinner, I sat and watched. I knew James Diamond was a lot of things. Good kisser, smart, funny, sensitive, but I had no idea he could cook. While he was cooking, he explained what he was doing. He was making a pasta dish with shrimp and making a salad. He moved around…rather, he glided around the kitchen like he was Emeril. He chopped like a pro and stirred like his life depended on it. It was so sexy. Yeah he was like…super-hot but that's not all there was to James Diamond. He had so many layers under that beautiful skin and I could not wait tell he revealed every single one of them too me. I mean he even served me the food and poured me a glass of wine. Okay it was apple juice but I adored the effort. We ate in silence, I occasionally asking him about the dinner. It was a nice filling dinner that officially marked our first date. I sat, awkwardly after taking my last bite and finished the last of my juice. He had been done for a while and when I turned to him swallowing the last bit of juice he laughed and jumped off his seat grabbing my hand, lacing our fingers together, pulling me along. I quickly tossed the napkin onto the bar and hurried after him.

"I know he was telling me interesting things about the house because I heard his voice, but I was having a hard time paying attention. There was something, mostly likely my head, telling me tonight wasn't just about the dinner to him. He led me through this huge house, clearly on a mission. I didn't know when he was going to stop and it kind of worried me. I have heard what a first date is like with James. From the all the cheerleaders actually. And still I couldn't get myself to leave and find a better guy. "…And here we are." I looked up quick, letting go of his hand fast. I stepped in front of him and pushed open the two French doors leading out onto a patio. The patio then led…to a huge ass pool. "Hold on…let me get some towels…" I ignored him walking out quick down the stairs to the pool. I had been cooped up all summer long, way too long, and this pool was looking way to inviting.

"Can we go swimming?!" I had already started pushing my feet out of my shoes, not waiting for his response. I started to walk around the front of the pool when I noticed the hot tub tucked away in a small corner of the house. I hurried over to it and pushed my socks off my feet. "James! I want to swim!" I was literally bouncing on my toes unable to wait any longer. I started to take off my shirt and when it was off I threw it behind me.

"Hey…" I turned quick seeing James frowning holding two big towels, and setting them on a chair along with my shirt. "So you want to swim I've heard…" He started unbuttoning his shirt and I blushed looking away. I thumbed off my button on my jeans and pulled down the zipper. As I started pushing the jeans down my legs, leaving my black boxers on, I stole a glance to the side seeing his shirt now off, and working on his jeans. "So…you gonna skinny dip with me?" I snorted and stood up kicking my jeans to the side. "What…if you don't keep your clothes dry you'll have to wait forever and break your mom's curfew."

"Doesn't this millionaire have a dryer James?" I backed away from him going to turn on the hot tube smiling. "You…are…a…pervert." He nodded slipping his fingers in his boxers and pulling down quick. I turned fast, and turned the hot tub on all the way. I stayed looking at the knob embarrassed and not wanting to see him naked, even though I've seen him naked hundreds of times in the locker room. This time was…just so different.

"Okay red face…you can turn around, I'm covered up." I smiled small and turned to see him in the hot tub, only his chest and above exposed. Everything else was hidden by the bubbles form the jets. I sighed out and stepped right to the edge getting ready to step in. He never took his eyes off me and I did the dumbest thing ever.

"Close your eyes." He frowned but did anyway shaking his head slightly. "Now cover them with your hands so you don't peek."

"At what?"

"James…" He sighed and gently put his hands over his eyes. I quickly slipped out of my boxers and stepped in, holding back my shivers. I sat all the way down, across from him and raise my legs to my chest wrapping around them. I sighed out and made sure nothing could be seen. "Okay…" He was slow to take his hands off his face, and ever slower to open his eyes. He chuckled resting his arms on the outside of the tub leaning back a little.

"You know we've seen each other naked before right?" I nodded and his smiled fell. "What's different now?"

"Now…were in a relationship. I want to go…slow." He nodded and I felt my body starting to relax. I unwrapped my arms form my legs and leaned back against the wall. I was defiantly being watched by James and I ignored it gently running my hands through the water. I got so transfixed with the water that I didn't see or hear him move. Right to me. When I looked up he was right in front of me, and his hands were on bare legs. I jumped slightly and set my hand son his arms. He moved even closer to me, forcing my legs to spread just far enough for his body to fit between them. I almost pushed him back and yelled at him but he didn't do anything else. He just got close enough so that if either of us leaned out just a little, we could kiss.

"Why do you have a condom?" His voice was quiet and calm. My head started to spin, due to the fact his hands were on my bare thighs. "Why…why is there a condom in your jeans?" I swallowed hard and could only shake my head.

"My mom…gave it to me." His head turned slightly and he slowly pushed away from me. His hands stayed on my legs however, making it difficult to think straight.

"Okay…that doesn't make me feel any better. It actually makes this a lot weirder." I frowned and slowly moved my hands down his wet arms all the way to his hand son my legs. Instead of pushing him away I laced our fingers together keeping them on my body.

"No…she doesn't know I'm with you. She would rather I have one if I'm going out with a guy she doesn't know yet. She wants me to be safe. You know my mom, always being the nurse first…" A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he moved into me again. This time I just let my legs fall brushing them against his. His hands went palm down on my thighs and squeezed gently as I raised my hands up his arms stopping on his shoulders.

"So…you had no intention of using that tonight?" I shook my head hoping that wasn't a huge disappointment for him. "But…that doesn't mean we can't do…other stuff right?" I smiled and slowly wrapped my arms around the back of his neck pulling him to me. I didn't even have to ask what he was talking about.

When he kissed me, his hands went straight to my sides and lifted me, spinning us both. When he sat down and pulled me on his lap, I thought I was going to explode. I couldn't pull away from his lips, because that would be downright silly. I gently sat down on top of him feeling something rather big rub up against my left thigh. I groaned into his mouth and pushed into it harder, drowning out my moan. Al I wanted to know was how far he was planning on going. And if I had any will power in me, I was not going to let him go that far. Key word there is, _if _I had any will power. _If._

**SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS KIDN OF LONG. I'M TRYING TO BUILD THEIR RELATIOSNHIP AND THE STORY SO THAT WHEN THINGS GO WRONG, LIKE MOST THINGS DO IN MY STORIES, WE HAVE A BUNCH OF THINGS TO FALL BACK ON. AND I WILL ADD MORE THINGS IN LIKE LOGAN AND CARLOS SOON! **


	7. Chapter 7: Entire Sky

"_If I could reach up and hold a star each time you've made me happy…the entire sky would be in the palm of my hand." _ I tried desperately to ignore the words on the page, but I kept getting drawn back to them. I could easily close the yellow notebook, that was almost completely full, but I used the pencil in my right hand and my fingers of my left hand grazing across the open math book, to make me not move. I wanted to force myself to get off the bed, push him to the ground and get on top of him and kiss that ridiculously adorable confused look off his face. But I had homework and I had to study. Stupid me thought it would be fun to have him as my study buddy, but stupid me didn't think about how God damn distracting he is. Well that's a lie. I know how distracting he is. How he always has been. But I looked past it because…it's him.

I raised my legs up, and locked them at the ankles swinging them slightly back and forth. I put my pencil to the paper and started writing numbers and letters. Although most of it made sense to me on a regular basis, this was not coming in clear. First of all, why do I have to find out what x means? I will never, ever use this in my lifetime. It's stupid and pointless. And second…I was really freaking board which made my motivation level under par. I mean how, and why should I be doing any of this homework when I could be kissing touching…sucking every inch of his skin. It wasn't fair. I should be showing him exactly what was on my mind and what I wanted to do to him. And…just because we still had two months of school left, doesn't mean I have to keep paying attention. I had a 4.0 GPA, a full ride scholarship to MSU for hockey and…my head lifted up from the paper feeling two hands on my legs, pulling them down and spreading the apart. The loose, too big for me short were pushed up on the back of my thighs as his hands pushed up. His hands were slightly warm as they rubbed the back of my legs and he bent over top of me. I gritted my teeth and continued to write down numbers feeling his hot breath on the back of my neck. I clenched my free fist feeling his lips attach to my right ear and gently bit down. I closed my eyes and bowed my head down slowly making his lips leave my ear. His hands that had been resting on the back of my thighs moved out from under the basketball shorts I was wearing and went up outside my head. I felt him put his legs outside my body, sitting on me softly, nuzzling his head into the side of mine. I opened my eyes and raised my head pushing his slightly to the side. Again his lisp went onto my skin and I sighed setting my pen down on my math book. "James…I'm trying to do homework an you should be too…" There was a soft kiss to my temple on the right side and I raised my legs, gently hitting his butt with my bare feet. I was actually very surprised to feel his bare skin hit the bottom of bare feet. I tensed slightly and turned my head glancing back. All I saw was tan skin. He was completely nude over top of me kissing into my hair, here and there. "James…come on…we need to do our work."

"We will…just give me a 5 minute break." He gently bit down onto my shoulder still covered in my shirt I wore at school. He knew…he always knew I would give into him, especially when fooling around would be involved. If it hadn't had been for our first date just five days ago, I probably wouldn't be very comfortable with his naked body on top of mine. At least that's how what I'd tell him. But now knowing how amazing it was to be able to touch him and pleasure him I wanted nothing ore then to do that all the time. That's why I quickly turned my body around underneath him and laid flat on my back under him. He had a stupid cocky grin on his face as he pushed my book, my binder and my papers and pencils onto the floor. They hit hard with a thud and he moved down my body slowly. "What time does your sister come home?" I ran my hands through his hair, messing it up slightly. Usually he would get mad at people for touching his hair but whenever I did it, he let me get away with it. "I don't really want to scar the poor girl." He roughly pulled down my shorts and boxers all at once and tossed them right to the floor by the bed.

"She's not coming home tonight." He glanced up at me, once eyebrow cocked and I chuckled running my hands down over his face and onto his collar bones. "She has a science project she has to do, with some girl named Daniel I think…she's just staying the night there." He nodded and as his hands went up under my shirt to push it off I put my arms back over my head and stretched slightly. "So…until my mom comes home at 7 tomorrow morning…we're home alone." When he had my shirt up to the point where I needed to get up for it to be taken off, I sat up. Our lips brushed against each other and he quickly pulled the fabric up and off my body. When it was tossed to the side, his hands grabbed a hold of my face and pulled me into his lips. I reached down, with my eyes closed and my mind on James's lips on mine, and gently grabbed ahold of him. I don't think I would ever get used to the feel. He was big, but not ridiculously big. He was just a smidge bigger than me, but we aren't really competing. However, as soon as I touched him and started to rub him gently, tugging softly, he moaned into my mouth pushing down onto me, practically begging for me. In terms of a competition, we weren't having, I was winning. In the sense that James crumbled and was the first to…let go before me. Maybe that made James the winner…

I was pushed back onto my back and he quickly grabbed both my hands pinning them above my head on my bed. He leaned back down and kissed onto my chest, still keeping my hands prisoners in his. He was slow to move his lips first over my left peck, sticking his tongue out just a little and lick over my already sensitive nipple. I shut my eyes and somehow managed to lace our fingers together just so I could squeeze them to let him know I really liked what he was doing. But it stopped way too soon and when I opened my eyes he was hovering over me, looking towards my bedroom door. "What?" He frowned and let go of my hands jumping off the bed. He bent over, giving me a great view that was soon covered by his boxers and then his jeans. "James…" He waved me off and walked out of my room, not saying a word. I groaned and rolled off the bed catching myself and pulling on my boxers and shorts. I walked out of the room ruffling my hair and hurried down the stairs. He was standing in the middle of the living room, and when I got close enough I kissed his bare left shoulder and put my hands on his hips. "You know what you reminded me of?" He turned his head and titled it to look at me. I smiled and got on my tippy toes kissing the corner of his mouth. "You know when a dog sees a squirrel and they stop and then start chasing it?" He sighed and shrugged out of my grasp walking to the front door.

"I heard something…like someone trying to get in…do you ever lock up your house?" I heard the front door get locked into place and turned walking to the kitchen. "Like seriously…no window locked and closed…no doors locked. I bet as soon as I get there, your back door won't be closed." He walked past me and sighed out loudly locking the big glass door. I smirked and walked to the fridge pulling the door open. "What would you do without me?"

"I would have people breaking into my home, stealing things." There was a sharp slap to my butt but he kept walking going to the pantry. "You know…we were in the middle of something…you can't just stop to take a break to eat." He pulled down the box of Cocoa Puffs and shoved a hand in the box turning to me.

"Well go back to studying I promise…" I shook my head and closed the fridge, forgetting why I opened it. I walked to him quick and pushed him against the door of the pantry. His hand was still in the box trying to grab a handful, and I did the same. Except my hand went in his pants, and it didn't take long for me to get a handful myself. The box dropped from his hand quick and he leaned down kissing me hard on the lips. One of his arms snaked around my back and gently pulled me closer to him while his hand pushed into the back of my shorts squeezing onto the flesh of my butt. My free hand cradled his neck gently and bit down onto his bottom lip. His mouth opened and I pushed my tongue in fast. He pulled away just as fast. "For a guy who wants this relationship to go slow you don't act like it…" I frowned and squeezed him with some extra force. He groaned and put his head back closing his eyes. "That's what I mean Mr. Grabby." I laughed and kissed onto his neck.

"You've never complained before. " His head went back down and he practically lifted em off the ground by my butt and pushed our faces together. Just as I leaned in to kiss him, I watched his eyes dart over my shoulder and I was let go of fast.

"Shit…" I frowned and pulled my hand out form his pants and wrapped my arms around his neck trying to kiss him again. "Carlos…Logan…" I froze and continued to stare into his hazel eyes. His cheeks were hot and red and he gently pushed me away. "Fuck…" I stayed looking at the door he was just up against and heard him walk to the glass door and push it open. "Hey…hey guys. What's up?" I lowered my head hearing soft, quiet footsteps form my two best friends and swallowed hard. "Uhm…I…we can explain…" I closed my eyes, knowing James was about to make up some lame excuse for what we were just doing. He wasn't going to tell them the truth. He wasn't going to tell them what we've been doing for so long, behind their backs in complete secrecy. Because he was embarrassed and ashamed. Not of the situation, probably but of me.

"No…it's…we got to go anyway…we have to…remember Carlos? We got to do that thing with…that dude…" I lifted my head slowly but kept my eyes closed, which kept my tears back.

"No just listen real quick alright? I know this is like really awkward because we've all been best friend forever, but…I'm gay and Kendall and I are dating." I spun fat and finally saw my two very embarrassed and awkward looking friends. They were both staring up at James, mouths open as he rubbed the back of his neck. "We've been hiding it because I wasn't ready to come out to even you guys. I'm gay and dating Kendall." I felt my heart explode, in most painful, but enjoyable way imaginable. I saw Logan glance over at me and he smiled small.

"Dude…" he looked to James who was tense and worried looking. "Do you know how long Kendall's been waiting for this day to come?" I slapped my forehead hard and fast and rushed over to them shoving Logan lightly who laughed, making Carlos to laugh. "God damn…now maybe we can have normal conversations instead of about James…fucking finally!" I blushed and shoved him again as he walked by kicking off his shoes walking into the living room. I saw Carlos holding back laughter as he looked behind me to James.

"So…can I have your little black book?" I raised an eyebrow and turned to see James nod. I crossed my arms over my chest and he smiled putting a hand on the back of my neck pulling me into him.

"Yeah…I don't need it anyway. Girls are icky…" I rolled my eyes laying my head on James chest and listened to Carlos walk out.

"You're loss douche bag. Hey Kendall we brought that movie over we were talking about. We want to watch it…" I nodded and glanced up at James who was giving me a weird look.

"So…you talk about me with Logan?" I frowned and pulled out of his arms walking to the pantry grabbing some popcorn. "That's like really cute…it does good for my ego too." I shook my head letting him hold me as I worked on making some popcorn for our movie we were going to start watching.

Before the movie started we all sat down and talked about the new situation. Logan and Carlos were actually really supportive of it and promised they wouldn't say anything to anyone as long as we kept the PDA to a minimum. When we agreed and told them we were happy it was off our chest, we started the movie. James and I sat next to each other, of course, and were finally able to act normal around each other, in front of our friends. They were too interested in the movie to realize we had thrown a blanket over ourselves and had started to touch each other. It wasn't anything drastic, which I wanted so bad, but it was enough to make both of us get off.

I slept great that night, James of course snuggling up with me and woke up, as usual alone. I got dressed, and made myself breakfast before checking on my mom and telling her I was hanging out with friends(making out with James in his truck somewhere random) after school and if she needed anything. When she kissed my cheek and told me to make sure Katie got home before 9 tonight, I left seeing James truck gone. I got to school fast and felt the butterflies rip through my stomach seeing him with Carlos and Logan in the parking lot talking and laughing loudly. When I got to them, James skillfully stole a kiss form my lips and we walked up to the building, making small talk about the day of school ahead of us. However, today seemed different. When we walked in, even though James wasn't next to me, it felt like everyone who walked past us knew. They gave us weird looks, some even gave us disgusted looks. I wasn't the only one who noticed thankfully and saw James glare at some guys back. I barely noticed the girl Logan has been seeing for a while rush up to him and whisper in his ear because at the same time, a guy shoulder checked me. "Faggot." I turned and watched him walk away, walking after him. My arm was grabbed and Carlos pulled me back telling em to ignore him and walked with us still to my locker. But that's where the biggest problem was. I stopped slowly seeing some kids surrounding my locker looking at it. Plastered all over the metal of my locker were pictures, all the same thing. Me in a hot tub, on someone's lap. You couldn't really see the face and no one could tell it was James. But people could tell it was me, because of my tattoo on my back, and they could tell it was a guy underneath me, holding me and kissing onto my neck. I knew exactly where this picture came from. I knew exactly where this picture was taken. I turned to James fast feeling tears threatening to spill out of the corners of my eyes. He looked confused, and a little upset. And for once I couldn't see him. All I kept seeing was the picture and the word faggot written all over it, in a blood red marker. It made me sick to my stomach. All I knew what to do was turn and walk away from the disturbing scene and get out of there as quickly as I could. People pointed, and laughed at me as I stormed out, but none of them mattered. When I was hit by the fresh air I felt the tears fall out of my eyes and onto my body.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have trusted him so much? How could I have let this happen? "Kendall?" I picked up speed hearing his voice and wiped my face hoping no one saw me crying. "Kendall please slow down!" I heard hurried footsteps and before I could reach my car, he was in front of me holding my shoulders. "Kendall it doesn't matter…"

"Especially for you!" I pushed him away and his mouth dropped open. "Pretty fucking convenient your face isn't showing isn't James?!" He frowned and shook his head. "Was that your whole plan? To get me to…so you could just…" I heaved out hard and pointed at him. "I never want to see you again!" I tried walking past him but he grabbed me again, softer this time.

"You think I did this? You think I would do this?" I said nothing and continued to let him hold me. It was a welcoming comfort and I hated that even after what he did to me I still loved his touch. "Kendall I didn't do it! I would never do that to you, especially if someone found out it was me you were with." My mouth fell open and his eyes widened, immediately, shaking his head. "No…I didn't mean it like that…" I shoved him away from me hard and he fell back onto the ground. I glanced back at him once to see Logan and Carlos staring at us concerned. I turned and hurried to my car, getting in fast and driving off even faster.


	8. Chapter 8: White Horse

_I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. – Mother Teresa_

The feeling of needing someone hurts because when you feel it, it makes you feel pathetic. Like yeah I found love, but why am I becoming so dependent on this person? Why is hard to walk away from them, and why is it so tortuous to find that all the time and energy spent on this one love was for nothing? Why do we put ourselves through this? Why do we let ourselves get attached to a single person only to have it thrown back in our face because they never felt the same way? What kind of sick person would want this? The same kind of person who would finally be brave enough to see this person for who they really are. The same kind of person who finally can move one, because he knows he deserves better. And the same kind of person who after telling himself he does deserve better, convinces himself he can't live without this love that has hurt him so bad.

I looked down at my laptop screen and tried to close it shut. I tried to tell myself to finish this stupid assignment and email to my history teacher so I could go to sleep, but my mind kept running back o my pain and heartache and it wouldn't go away. I had a simple 5 page paper that had to be due by tomorrow at 8 in the morning, and so far I only had one part. I picked the quote that we were supposed to break down and explain and compare to our own lives. That was the easiest part. Now all I needed to do was write the full five pages and so far, all I got was the 23 word sup top, and my name and English period, and date. I was doing good for only just now getting the assignment. And this wasn't the only one I had emailed, or sent home with my little sister. I had so many more assignments to do for all my classes, on top of all the studying I had to do for finals that were slowly creeping up on me. Missing two days of school was probably a mistake but it was necessary. And tomorrow would make it three days and then I'd have to go back and face the music. I'd have to walk down the halls and face the people who now knew who I really was. There was no more putting on a fake face and acting like I fit in. No one would buy it. And the absolute worst part was that I would be completely alone. No friends, no boyfriend. No one. But I made the deal with my mom. While she sorted things out with school for me, I could stay home the rest of the week, but as soon as Monday came around, I had to go back. At the time it sounded great because it dealt with my serious problem of right now, but right now passed and I was faced with a new right now. And the piles of homework I had to do.

I was relieved when there were soft knocks at my door. I quickly pulled on a sweater knowing it was probably my sister bringing me up dinner. I cleared my throat and pushed my laptop to the side. "Come in…" The door opened and not only was it my sister, but my mom. They both had some of my favorite things in their hands…a plate full of my mom's mashed potatoes and meatloaf, a few energy drinks, and a brand new Hockey magazine. I smiled and pulled my blankets up on my lap and folded my arms over them. "You guys didn't have to do this." Katie snorted and hoped on my bed handing me one of the energy drinks and opened the other for herself. My mom sighed and set my plate on my desk sitting on the chair and scooted over to me. I noticed then she had on her scrubs and I felt panicked. I was 18 and almost out of high school but I was hurting emotionally and nothing helps me feel better then to have my mom near me. I know it makes me sound like a baby or a pussy but it's the truth. She reached out quick and grabbed my arm squeezing it gently.

"I have taken too many days off sweetheart. I have to go in tonight. But tomorrow is my day off so I'll be here for you." I smiled and looked down opening my can of Red bull.

"It's alright mom…I'll be okay. I'll have Katie." I looked up to see them staring at each other. My mom gave her a typical mom look and Katie sighed softly pushing off the bed.

"I'll go call Danny and tell him I can't go out." I frowned and grabbed her quick putting her back on my bed. She frowned and shook her head. "I had a date but I'm going to stay with you big brother." I frowned and turned to my mom who was glaring at my sister, but then turned back to Katie.

"First of all…you don't have to stay with me. Second…" I turned back to my mom and raised an eyebrow. "Since when is she allowed to date?" Katie groaned and pushed off my bed storming out. My mom only laughed and pushed her hand through my hair. I smiled small and went into her touch. I heard her sigh softly and closed my eyes feeling her get up on my bed with me. I put my head on her shoulder and she wrapped around me kissing my forehead and keeping her lips there.

"How is my baby?" I held around her tighter and snuggled into her neck.

"I can't go back mom. I can't go back there again…I…everyone will look at me differently and they will hate me." My mom ran one of her hands through the back of my hair and started to rock us back and forth.

"When you came home on Tuesday my whole world came crashing down Kendall. I was so upset, that I had I let you even feel this slight bit of pain of being afraid to come out to me and your sister , and then to find out that someone took a picture of you and called you such an ugly word and made you stick out like you did…I felt like I had failed as your mother." I opened my eyes but kept holding around her. "There had only ever been one other time I felt like this and it was when your father left. Besides letting my marriage fail I let my two children see their father leave us. I let you guys watch this family fall apart and that night I heard you with Katie telling her it would be okay, and that your dad would come back. The mistake I made was never telling you two he was never going to come back and I never forgave myself for that." I squeezed around her tighter and she kissed my forehead again. "And now…I allowed someone else to hurt you again and I will never forgive myself for that."

"Mom…" I tired pulling away but she held me down.

"Sweetheart, I am never going let you feel this pain again. You don't have to go back to that school. I'll have you homeschooled, or your principle said there is an online option. You never have to go back there again. I would never force you to." I finally pulled out of her grasps and looked up at her. She set a hand on my cheek and smiled small. "You are so brave. You will always be and always have been. I can understand you not want to go, and if you don't, you will still be my big strong brave man." I blushed and moved back into her arms hugging her again. "And I love how clingy your being. You haven't hugged me like this in a long time Kendall." I chuckled and squeezed her tight. "Now I need to ask a seriously tough question for me. Did Logan, Carlos and James have something to do with this? Because they haven't been around and you haven't had your phone on for three days now." I swallowed hating that his name was brought up and swallowed hard.

"No…they weren't. I just don't want to see anyone. Even them." She kissed my head and gently let go of me getting off my bed. I looked up at her, opening my eyes and pulling the blankets up even higher on my body.

"Well okay then…but so help me God if I find out whoever did this to you Kendall I will turn into Momma bear and hurt them bad." I smiled and nodded small. She put her hand son her hips and nodded. "Katie has a curfew. She knows it, so if is one minute late, I give you permission to go out on a search party at the movies, where she's going, and turn into big brother bear." I laughed and again and pushed my legs out from under my blankets. I stood up letting my sweats fall down my legs since they had been bunched up from being under the blanket and followed her out of my room. We both went down stairs and I yawned already missing the warmth and safety from my bed. It got about a million times worse when I stepped off the last step and saw the very three people I had been purposely avoiding. James was standing behind Logan and Carlos and just seeing his sunken in eyes, blood shot, and his pale face, broke my heart all over again. "Oh hey guys! I know this will seem bad but I need to run, I am late already. 10 o clock Katie. I love you Kendall!" She kissed Katie's head, kissed my cheek and grabbed her bag waving softly to my friends and ex before walking out and shutting the door softly.

"Kendall…" James took a step forward and I took a step back. "Please…you need to hear me out."

"Leave…" He stopped walking and swallowed hard. Logan stepped forward, sighing softly and gently pushed James to the front door.

"He doesn't want to hear it. Just go James. You don't get a second chance." He closed his eyes and clenched his fists down at his sides. I tried my hardest not to freak out and start yelling at him and throwing myself at him to hit him, make him feel the same kind of pain I was feeling, but nothing could me back. Not even Logan and Carlos.

"How could you do that to me?!" All four of them turned to me and James looked even more destroyed. "How can you even show your face around me right now?! And tell me I need to hear you out? I don't want to see you again James!" I turned but barely an inch. His hands were on my arms and he was on the step just below me. Over his head I saw Carlos and Logan tense up but they didn't move forward, probably because they knew James would never hurt me. Not physically anyway.

"Kendall where were we?" I frowned and loosened up. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, holding back tears. "Whose house were we at when we were in a hot tub?" My lips parted slightly and he nodded fast. "I had no idea Kendall. I promise you. I would never do that to you." I looked over his head again and saw both Carlos and Logan give me a weird and worried look.

"Let's talk up stairs." He sighed out and let go of me, looking down. I turned fast and hurried up the stairs not missing my baby sister asking if it was James who made so upset. And I didn't miss both Logan and Carlos tell her yes, in more than one way.

I sat on the edge of my bed fast and watched him shut the door softly and then turn to me. I saw him look to the space next to me on my bed but I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. He moved to my desk chair and in the fastest way possible I reached out with my foot and pushed it into my desk. It hit it hard and he stopped moving freezing in his steps and turned to me. The crying and the heartache I had felt was replaced with pure anger and hatred hearing that the man James put so much trust in, ruined my life. "Kendall…I'm sorry it happened. I had no idea."

"Yeah you've told me." He sighed softly and stepped in front of me getting down on his knees. It was a good move, and it helped him, but not by much. When he put his hands on my thighs and moved them to my hips I clenched everything up hoping I wouldn't explode. "I asked you if you could trust him James. He had cameras in his house?" He swallowed hard and nodded. "Did you know?" When he put his head down and his eyes closed I already knew. I shoved his hands off my body and pushed him hard on his shoulders. He stood up before he could fall back onto his butt and I stood up getting right in his face. "You knew and you told me it was no big deal that I was naked in some random guy's hot tub! Fuck you James!" I went to shove on his chest again but he grabbed my wrists and forced them down at my sides.

"Kendall I didn't know they were on! He told me that because I was there, he was going to keep them off. "

"Your dumbass believed him?!" He breathed in hard and held my wrists tighter. "You know what the worst part about this is?" He stared right up into my eyes and I got closer to him. "You have proven to me that you really don't care about me."

"How could you even think that?" His voice was quieter now and much softer, like how I loved to hear James. "I've cared about you even before we were dating."

"No you haven't…what happened at school on Tuesday after I left? What did you do?" He let go of me quick and straightened up.

"I went back to your locker took all the pictures down and told everyone if they had a problem with anything, and if anyone said anything to you, I'd beat the shit out of them."

"And?" He gave me a dumb look practically screaming, haven't I done enough? "Did you come out James? Did people look at you different and call you faggot as you walked by?" His posture fell and I stepped around him walking to my backpack on my desk. I opened it quick and pulled out the yellow notebook I had been clinging too hoping every word we wrote to each other would come alive and I could live in this book. Back in his embrace without the pain and hurt. I turned and put out to him walking slowly to him. "Everything in here was a fucking joke to you, wasn't it?" He pushed it aside roughly and reached out cupping my face. His touch, for the first time in forever didn't make me want to hurl myself off a tall building. Maybe hurl him off it.

"What do you want me to do Kendall? I'll do anything baby…please…" I shook my head and gently pushed his hands off my face.

"You know what you can do for me _baby…_go to school tomorrow and tell everyone the truth. Tell them you like the taste of dick and make sure…please James make sure you feel like a complete freak for it okay?" He rolled his eyes and turned his body away from me putting his hands on his hips walking to my closet.

"You want me to come out?"

"Or I could put my entire trust in an older guy, house sit for him, have his cameras not on, take pictures of you sucking my dick and then plaster them all over your locker. Take your pick James." He looked back at me and tossed the notebook to the ground. "How did he get in the school? How did he know what locker was mine?"

"Are you going to accuse me of that too?" I raised an eyebrow and he groaned shaking his head. "Kendall…I will literally do anything for you but I'm not ready to come out to people at school."

"And I fucking was?" He sighed and I shook my head walking to the door. "You are the most insensitive piece of shit James Diamond." I flung my door open only to have Carlos, Logan and Katie fall to the ground, on hands and knees. I glared at them but turned back to James. "I was an idiot to ever think you could be my Knight and shining armor on a white horse. Get the hell out of my house and stay the fuck out of my life." He shook his head and quickly walked past me, forcing himself between Carlos and Logan who both gave him dirty looks and watched him hurry down the stairs, but didn't follow after him. "How long were you guys listening?"

"Since the door shut." I glanced down to my sister who narrowed her eyes, which I just noticed had make up on them. In fact her face was made and she was wearing a t shirt and a denim skirt, with some flats. "I'm going to ignore that I'm mad at you for not telling me you and James were together so I can plot his death." Carlos laughed and ruffled her hair, only to have his hand swatted away. "Don't touch my hair Carlos! I just did it!" He mocked her, getting his stomach hit hard. Logan sighed pushing them away from each other, looking up at me.

"You okay dude?" I breathed out hard turned back in my room and grabbed the notebook on the ground and turned back to them. They eyed it carefully but I pushed past them hurrying down the stairs. I walked into the living room and fell to my knees quickly working on starting a fire in the fireplace. I heard and saw all three of them kneel down next to me and Carlos even put a log in place while Logan lit a piece of paper on fire and set it on the log. When the log caught fire and the three of them kind of sat down watching me I sighed out and lifted the notebook. I tossed it onto the flame, with no second thought. It quickly caught fire and for a few minutes, maybe even 5, we sat in silence and watched every single love not James and I wrote each other burn to nothing. We only pulled out of our thoughts when there were knocks at the door and Katie jumped up. I remembered being told she had a date and stood up getting behind her fast. The door pulled open to reveal a kid, Katie's age, with a bouquet of flowers. I shook my head and just as Katie opened her mouth greet him I pulled her back and got in front of her.

"You make one wrong move, so help me God I will track you down and suffocate you in your sleep okay? You hurt my baby sister I swear to Jesus himself you will not walk again. Do we have an understanding?" He looked up at me, wide eyed and nodded fast. I was shoved away quick and Katie stomper her foot.

"I'm so sorry…my brother is in the middle of a mental breakdown. He doesn't mean it."

"Yes I do…" She glared back at me and sighed. "10 o'clock Katie. And if he's one minute late bringing you home…" I glared to him and he swallowed hard. I saw a car, most likely his moms and sighed squeezing my sisters shoulder. "Have fun…and bring me back some candy…" She gave me a mean look and then rolled her eyes stepping out, after grabbing her purse. I watched as they linked arms and he opened the back door for her of his moms car. I saw a lady, hopefully his mother, wave to me form the car, and I waved back, putting on a big smile. I stayed in the doorway until they were both in the back seat and they had driven off. When I stepped back in the house I smiled small at Carlos and Logan who were holding back a fit of laughter. I walked past them into the kitchen.

"Okay…dude…you need to explain. Whose house were you guys at?" I groaned hearing Logan behind me and watched Carlos hop on the counter next to the fridge.

"He was house sitting for this guy he met at this gay club. He's actually the owner." Logan gave me a confused look and I shook my head leaning against the fridge. "James is a moron you know that…he trusted the guy. I just don't know if believe all of it, and I kind of need to ask you guys a favor" They both perked up and I sighed smiling small. "What are you guys doing tomorrow night?"

**So some of my readers are getting a little impatient with me not updating every story every single day. I am sorry, truly I am, but I have such a tough schedule right now, I can barely breath. I will try to update at least two stories every day and if I can't please understand I am only human. I can't write all the time even thought I wish I could. I literally am between 6 stories, two of which I haven't touched in weeks. So I beg that you can understand and please know I am trying my hardest to update as much as I can. Thank you, and of course…reviews are love. **


	9. Chapter 9: Fix This

"Dude…this is so illegal!" I couldn't help the eye roll and the hard nudge to Logan's rib as I fell flat on my belly and sighed out hard feeling a knee bump into my thigh. I groaned and looked to my other side to see Carlos, who actually made me laugh out loud. He also fell flat on his belly and pulled the hood on his head. It was black…well his whole outfit was black. And the eye black under his eyes, and the beanie on his head really completed the whole…breaking and entering look. "Carlos is going to give us away!"

"Carlos can hear you, and Carlos was the only one of us who thought of blending in with the night, since we are…I don't know…breaking into a dudes house!"

"This dude is the same man who hurt Kendall, and outed him in front of our whole school!" I groaned and lowered my head shaking it softly.

"Guys knock it off! Someone is going to hear us and we just got here!" I raised my head again and both of them shut up. I peered over the small hill we were lying on at the dark and empty house just below us. "Okay here's the plan…we need to get in that house, without being detected. And we need to find proof that this asshole put up the picture. And I want to find out if James had anything to do with it." I heard an irritated sigh next to me from Logan and I turned my head slightly to look at him. He was gnawing on his bottom lip with an irritated and worried look on his face. "What's wrong with you grumpy gills?" He made a disgusted look and turned to me scrunching his eyebrows together.

"Grumpy gills?" I laughed and nodded looking back at the still empty and dark house. "You watch Finding Nemo with Katie?" I nodded and he sighed aggressively picking the grass underneath us. "Look I just know James. He is a lot of things. He's a self-absorbed douche bag who likes to think with his dick. Now…normally I wouldn't put it past him to do something this cruel and idiotic but…it's you Kendall. He would not do that to you, alright. I saw the way he had his hands on you and the way he looked at you…that was a new James and it irritates the fuck out of me that you would think he would do something to hurt you." My mouth was literally hanging open. Logan was always my…backup guy. He always was supporting me and defending me…not ever James. "So…I'm here to help you find out how the creep got those pictures on your locker and then we can go home."

"Jesus Christ…shut up and let's get going. Who knows when this guy could get back!" Carlos, in the dumbest yet coolest way possible shimmied down the hill and rolled into the guys flower bed, crushing all of the pretty and colorful flowers. Logan, sighed again, not even looking at me followed after Carlos, shimming and then rolling into the bushes. I groaned and of coursed following trying my absolute hardest not to touch and destroy the flowers, which I successfully did. I leaped over the roses dragging Carlos along with me to go around the pool. I saw the hot tub and the first thing I thought of was feeling James completely hard between my legs. I shook the thought out of my head looking up at the wall and of course…saw a circle of glass that could only be a camera that watched my every move. When I undressed, when I got in the water, when I crawled on James's lap, when I started sucking on his neck and then when he pulled out of the water, sat on the edge of the hot tub and I put his very erect… "Kendall?! Where too?" I turned quick to Carlos who pointed to two big French doors. I nodded and we both quickly walked over to the doors. If I had any luck the doors would be unlocked and as soon as I stepped in, all the evidence I needed would be just sitting there, and then I could shove it anyone's face, and then I could go back to my normal life and maybe go back to having a relationship with James again. And of course when I put my hand on the door knob and Logan pulled me back on my shoulder I knew my luck was not going to work in my favor.

"Kendall…please think this through. What happens if we get caught?" I shrugged him off, making him go quiet and Carlos quickly shoved my hand away, grabbed the knob and pulled the doors open. I was expecting a screaming alarm to go off and when nothing did go off I was quickly pushed inside, by both Carlos and Logan. As soon as the doors shut, the moonlight was cut off and we were surrounded in complete darkness. I froze in my steps feeling two bodies on either side of me and I sighed out slowly and softly. "We need…a freaking…light or something. Hold on…let me grab my phone." I gently took one step forward but stopped fast. My foot touched something soft and squishy just as a light, Logan's phone illuminated just to the right of me. I turned and saw his face lit up, glancing around, before turning the light fast and showing us what was in front of us. I swallowed hard seeing a bedroom. There was a big bed…like a freaking double California King size bed, with a deep red blanket and matching sheet set covering it. It was satin and the whole set up around and on the bed was beautiful. Dark finished wood for the frame of the bed and two matching nightstands on either side of the bed. I looked down quick and frowned bending slightly. It was a pillow I stepped on, and if I remember the living room of this house, the same one James and I sat in after our encounter in the hot tub. I remember we sat on the couch after he dried himself, and then kissed all the water off my own body. And if I can recall correctly I remember seeing the exact pillow I was stepping on now, as one form the couch. That seemed weird to me because this guy had everything set in place, and had a place for everything. Whatever…not my house.

"Look…a desk." Before either Logan or I could stop Carlos he walked to the desk. I hurried after him pulling out my own phone and shinned the light on Carlos's back. I quickly went on his side and shined the light on to the top of the desk. There literally was nothing on the desk except a random black pen. I sighed out and gently raised the light up to Carlos. "Damn…I mean…how do we even begin to find clues?"

"Well Scooby…" We both turned to Logan who laughed at his own stupid joke and then cleared his throat quietly. "We should spread out. This place is huge right Kendall?" I nodded and he shrugged. "Let's take a room, and try to find a computer and a printer. That will be your first sign." I nodded again and Carlos sighed out just as, of course, we heard a door open and close, and then footsteps. All three of our faces went pale and Logan grabbed both mine and Carlos's shoulder dragging us back. Before we could make it back outside the bedroom door, we were in pushed open and the light switch by the door was flicked on. We all froze in our tracks, Logan tightening his grip on my arm and Carlos inhaling a sharp breath. A man that I had never ever met, nor ever wanted to meet unless it was in a boxing ring, also froze in his steps and looked between the three of us.

"Who they hell are you three? Are you breaking into my house? Because I have a gun!" He went to move to a filing cabinet, sort of closer to us, but Logan jumped up and took a step forward.

"No…no need to get your gun! We uhm…erm…well it's a funny story actually uhm…we thought this was our…"

"Grandmothers house!" We all turned to Carlos who looked mighty proud of himself, smiling big. "She too, lives in one of these big fancy homes and wanted us to drop off a box of cookies for her. Homemade don't cha know?!" I turned to watch the gun reach in his pocket and pull out his phone shaking his head.

"I'm calling the cops…"

"Why what's wrong?" We all turned to the door and as if the night couldn't get any better, James walked in, but stopped quick. I smiled, and nodded my head chucking. "Kendall…Carlos, Logan…what are you guys doing here?" I laughed louder and he walked closer to us looking a little sad to me. I could only continue to laugh and nod along hoping it would help me not lunge forward and kill James with my bare hands.

"Oh I see…this is that…" The guy looked me up and down with a stupid smile on his face as well. "That boy you were telling me about? Kendall right? I'm Eric. Welcome to my home for the second time." I closed my mouth and swallowed hard forcing my eyes down to the ground. "Well he is very cute James. I can see the attraction. Now…these two? Are you two…" Logan jumped up right next to me, laughing uncomfortably.

"No…God no were not…uhm you know." I rolled my eyes and shook my head looking to see James staring at me, still. "Listen why don't the three of us leave and you two can go back to whatever…this is?" Logan shifted uncomfortably and his eyes wandered around, awkwardly. But that was the last awkward thing that happened to either Logan or Carlos.

"Actually, I think maybe Kendall should stay and we can have a nice little…chit chat." The temperature dropped about 20 degrees and as fast as lightning, Carlos and Logan turned, and ran out of the French doors. My mouth dropped, and then James stepped forward licking his lips.

"Eric…I'm actually thinking maybe Kendall and I should just talk."

"let's start with why you lied to me! You said you had nothing to do with this!" He turned to me and locked his jaw in place fast. "Have you just been hanging around this creepy old weird guy because he buys you pretty things James?! You've been lying to me since the beginning when you told me all you did was make out with him at his club!" I was pointing a finger at Eric who frowned and shook his head, gently touching James's arm which really just pissed me off.

"Actually I had to clarify that for him. I told him we did do a little heavy touching and maybe some banging at the club…"

"Eric please!" James turned to him and I shook my head laughing, and turned my body started walking to the French Doors. "Kendall please…" He forced himself in front of me and sighed softly, grabbing my shoulders.

"James…did you have sex with him?" I lowered my voice and nodded over his shoulder. James nodded once and I nodded back. "Then how about this…you stay here with him and have your own happily ever after. If you don't want to admit to me you had anything to do with me being publicly humiliated then don't tell me. But as far as you being able to hurt me anymore, it won't happen. Do you know I was so close to just forgetting about this and going back to you? But I can't trust you, and I can't look at you the same knowing what you did with…him." My eyes darted over his shoulder at Eric who sighed softly and looked down. "Everything that happened between us is best left…the way it is."

"Kendall I had nothing to do with what he did to you. I came here tonight, to ask him why he did it, and try to figure out a way to make it better." I frowned knowing that all this could just be a bunch of bull shit James is spewing, but somewhere, deep down in my broken heart, I believed him.

"It's true Kendall, and I guess I should apologize. I got a little jealous." We both turned to Eric who cleared his throat and leaned against his desk smiling small. "When I found out James had his…young and attractive boyfriend over, I got a little upset. I thought the reason James was hanging around me was because he wanted more of what happened at the club but I was wrong and I hurt you, obviously. I am sorry for that." Now that was something I could definitely believe. "You should know this dummy talked non-stop about you for like…ever. It's cute, but it gets old…" He cleared his throat and smiled big rubbing his hands together. "I'm going to go make some tea, holler if you guys need anything, and take your time and talk." He turned, shrugging off his coat and throwing it onto the bed. He walked out fast, leaving James and I alone, and in silence. I couldn't look at James knowing what I've learned and I honestly didn't know what to say. Finding out the love that you've worked so hard on, was for nothing hurts. And to find out that this idea of the perfect lover, and partner was a lying asshole from the get go really makes me have doubt for any future love for myself.

"Since when do you and the other two break into people's homes?" I cracked a small half smile and turned up to look at him. He smiled down at me and shook his head walking to the bed and sitting down softly. "Logan looked like he was going to piss his pants. Poor dude…" I laughed quietly and moved to sit next to him. As I sat down I could faintly smell alcohol on him for the first time. I carefully looked up at his face and saw him looking down at his hands, tears threatening to come out of the corners of his eyes. "My mom and dad are getting a divorce." I literally froze. My brain and my body couldn't move anyway at all. "Their giving me a week after I graduate to pack up and find my own place. They are both moving out next week, ya know? Going anywhere but here. They left em a couple grand, paid off the mortgage for the house…after I graduate a my mom's realtor friend is going to start trying to sell the house. It's all happening…fast and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel." He slowly turned his head to me and the first few tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes. "I've had no one to talk to because as my dad taught me, talking is for pussies and its best to just cover up and hope the pain goes away but…it's not going away Kendall. And…you were the first person I thought of. Because you were the first person I felt comfortable with. The first person who I was able to be myself with. I know…I know I messed up Kendall. I know I should have told you about him, and I should have never let him do what he did and I'm sorry but I love you…" I quickly moved out and wrapped around his neck with my arms. I pulled him in and hugged him hard and tight closing my eyes. It was the first time he had said the "L" word and surprisingly it wasn't going to be enough to make me drop to my knees and take him back. I just couldn't.

"I can't be with you anymore James." He went stiff and I opened my eyes pushing my fingers up through his hair tugging softly. "I'm here for you…as a friend. You're not alone, you know that. But I can't see myself being with you like that ever again. I'm sorry James."

"Kendall I can change…I can fix this." I closed my eyes and held around him tighter. He sounded side, and very hurt and I knew it was probably because of his parents. It must suck to know your parents are going to abandon you and to know a guy you just told you loved, is rejected you. It was probably really shitty of me, but knowing James slept with Eric, and didn't tell me while we were together, just sucked really bad.

"James I'm so sorry. I love you, and I will be your friend forever."

"Yeah that's what every desperate guy whose hopelessly in love wants to hear from the guy of his dreams." I smiled and opened my eyes turning my head to look at him. We slowly pulled away from the hug and each other. "Are you going to come back to school Monday, because I miss my study buddy." I chuckled and nodded fast leaving one hand on his shoulder, and let him grab my other hand, holding it gently. "You know…once I have something that I love, and care deeply about, it's hard for me to let it go."

"You're not getting in my pants James Diamond." He laughed and shrugged scratching his chin.

"I don't know Knight…I can be very persuasive. Especially when I'm in love." We locked eyes and he gave a half, cocky smile. For all the pain and the heartache I had felt over him in the past couple days, actually talking to him, and knowing the truth, kind of made it all disappear. And I knew how persuasive he actually could be. But I was persistent. He was not going to be able to break me down again because I was too strong for that. I think. I hope.

**FIRST, MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS HAVE BEEN GOING STRAIGHT TO THE VICTIMES AND THE VICTIMES FAMILIES OF THE BOSTON BOMBINGS. IT LITERALLY SHOOK ME WATCHING THE NEWS AND HEARING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THAT I HAD TO TAKE SOME TIME TO JUST WRAP MY HEAD AORUND IT, AND I STILL CAN'T. IT IS A SAD TRAGEDY AND I HOPE THEY CATCH WHO EVER DID THIS.**

**SECOND, I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHERE ANY OF MY STORIES WERE GOING. I ALMOST DELETED ALL OF THEM. I WAS SO FRUSTRATED THAT I ACTUALLY TURNED MY COMPUTER OFF FOR A COUPLE DAYS AND DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO EVEN UPDATE ONE STORY! BUT I'M BACK TO MY NORMAL SELF…KIND OF. **

**THIRD, UHM…THE CAMBIO INTERVIEW THE BOYS DID…CAN I JUST FREAKIN SAY HOW HANDOSME, FUNNY AND REAL ALL OF THEM WERE! I MEAN…THAT WAS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE…NO PUN INTENDED. IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT, WHICH OF COURSE YOU PROBABLY HAVE, WATCH IT! THAT'S AN ORDER!**


	10. Chapter 10: Prom It

Prom.

It's supposed to be one of the most magical nights of your high school life. For some people it is their entire world wrapped in one night. It is the moment they have been waiting for, and the clothes they wear, the date they bring and the amount of pictures they take at the dance depicts their whole future. I never could understand how one dance…one stupid idiotic dance can mean so much to them. There is a hell of a lot more important things to be worrying about. And for already 3 years I've had to deal with everyone talking about prom for a month and then a month after every year. And I knew this year would be no different. But something's were different. I was out of the closet for everyone to see and since everyone finding out, I was finally coming back to school. I wasn't embarrassed and I wasn't worried. I was a little curious as to who would say something to me, if anyone did. Also for once, in a very long time, I was happy and excited to go to school.

When I pulled up into the parking lot for some reason the first car I was searching for was James's. Ever since we broke into Eric's house and James told me his parents were divorcing and leaving him to fend for himself, and then him telling me he loved me…I just wanted to hug him all the time. I wasn't really happy with finding out Eric just let him drink himself to tears that night, but James seemed fine about it and promised he wasn't going to do any more extreme drinking. So when I in fact didn't see James's truck in the parking lot in the back with Carlos and Logan, I got a little worried and sad. I parked, right in the middle of both of them and got out fast holding my bag tight on my shoulder. Along with Carlos and Logan leaning on the trunk of Carlos's car were two very pretty girls, one I knew Logan has been crushing on for a really long time. I walked up to them slowly and smiled small at the girl by Carlos who spotted me first. "Hi Kendall!" She was about the same height as Carlos and had shoulder length blonde hair. I've seen her around before but not for a long time. She was probably new. I just smiled big at her and got right by Logan who smiled around at all of us.

"You're here early…what was your mom cooking bacon and it woke you up?" I laughed and shoved him lightly. He laughed quietly and swallowed hard looking at Camille, his biggest crush. "Uhm so listen…we have been talking about Prom…" I rolled my head back and groaned softly. "I know…you're not the biggest fan but were all going and we want you to come with us. We even have a date for you." I lifted my head fast and cocked an eyebrow down at him. "Now don't be mad but Camille actually already told her you would." I frowned fast and glanced to Camille who smiled big and reached out grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the school fast locking our fingers together.

"Camille…"

"She is one of my best friends and is a closeted lesbian." I looked down at her and watched her walk as we walked up the steps to the school. "Well not anymore. When you were outed on Friday she did a really brave thing and also came out and said if anyone had any problems with gay people she would get her very manly looking girlfriend to kick their asses and people have been pretty cool about it. In fact a bunch of people don't even care. The only ones who do of course are the asshole jocks."

"Camille…I'm a jock." I pulled the door open for her and she glared up at me smiling small. I heard the other three behind us talking and laughing to themselves, but when Camille walked in the building, I didn't wait for them. I followed after her fast and got right beside her. We were halfway down the hall when she stopped by the locker of none other than Jo Taylor. I felt my mouth drop open seeing her stuff a book in her bag.

"Here's your date." She turned to us and laughed loudly probably seeing my reaction.

"Hey …I think I remember seeing you in the closet ." I blushed slightly watching some people walk by us and smile at me. "Camille already bought our prom tickets so…" She closed her locker with her shoulder and leaned against it biting her bottom lip staring at me. I was elbowed in the ribs by Camille and sighed looking between them. I finally stopped on Jo and chuckled.

"Jo Taylor…would you like to go to prom with me on Saturday?"

"Of course my adorable friend. I am going dress shopping with Camille after school so if you want to come so we can pick a color or whatever…" I smiled small and nodded hearing the bell ring overhead.

"Yeah…but not because I'm gay and I like to shop. I actually hate shopping." She laughed reaching out and touching my arm before linking arms with Camille who I saw, for the first time, kiss Logan quickly on the lips. "I'll just meet you in the parking lot after school." She nodded smiling big and blew me a kiss. When they both turned talking at the same time, around a corner I turned fast to Logan who had Carlos standing behind him. Carlos nudged into Logan and grinned wide.

"See I told you he'd go with a lesbian. There's no way he'd go with James." I froze hearing his name and Logan turned quick hitting him in the stomach. "Uhm I mean…" I shook my head and turned quick heading for the stairs to get to my first class.

Unfortunately, I only had one class with James and I didn't know if he was here until then. We had history together and it was right before lunch, so all morning I was stuck wondering if he was here and what I would say to him about prom. We weren't dating so I didn't have to go with him, and I didn't have to have his approval. But I still felt weird. It was kind of fresh yet. At least our wounds were. I wasn't sure if not going to prom with him would be adding salt to his or not. But then I remembered he had sex with a club owner and let that same man out me in front of school. I actually felt fine with telling him I was going to prom with a beautiful girl.

I walked into history class by myself wishing Carlos and Logan were there if James was. But James wasn't there and the other two weren't either. In fact the only couple people already in class were the biggest dicks in school. One in particular, Stan Lawrence, the same one who got in a fight with James about equal marriage. And of course his buddies who were just as stupid as him. As soon as I stepped in the classroom all of them turned my way and I cursed my teacher for being in the class next door. I saw him as I walked passed. I gritted my teeth and made a fist with my left hand as I walked to the back of the room and sat in my usual seat. "Oh no guys…cover your dicks. He might want to suck it." They all laughed at his clever joke and I laughed along with them.

"Don't worry Stan…you're not my type. See because I am gay…I actually like guys with dicks bigger then there pinkies." Stan's smile fell and the room went quiet. I calmly stayed seated and pulled out my history book and my notebook and pen. I stared down at my book hoping they didn't get up and just as I dared to glance up in came James. I froze in my desk seeing him walk right down the aisle towards me. He didn't look like normal James. He looked like angry and pissed off James and I didn't like this James. All he did was stare at me and then aggressively sit in front of me putting his bag on the desk. What was weird about this was Logan always sat in front of me and what was even stranger was James didn't say one word to me.

"Hey Diamond…" James turned his head and looked at Stan still radiating anger. "Remember that fight we got in?" James breathed in hard and looked back to his desk. I stared at the back of his head and tried to think of anything that could be pissing him off. "You were just upset because one of your friends is gay and you felt betrayed that all those times in the showers he was probably staring at you right? Otherwise…you agree with me? Right?" I turned to Stan fast but again I wasn't fast enough. James jumped up from his desk and moved forward. When is aw him grab Stan's collar of his shirt and pulled him up, I got up and forcefully pulled him back. All I could think of to do was grab both of our things and make him go out of the classroom. We passed Mr. Smith who gave us a weird look but I shook my head and walked James down the hall all the way to the bathroom. I shoved him in, made sure no one was in it, and locked the door behind us.

"James…"

"I know we aren't together but do you have to shove it in my face?" He turned to me seething with rage and tossed his backpack on the floor. "I will get on my knees Kendall and I will beg you to take me back. I will do anything as long as you stop digging the knife deeper in my back!" I leaned back into the wall and looked at the ground. "I know it sounds awesome to go to prom with a lesbian because it's like rebellious or whatever but it's not fair. I love you and I want to be with you. You can't do this to me. I've suffered too long without you before we dated and then I got you. And now I'm back to suffering and I can't take it. Let me be the guy you were crazy about, again. Please Kendall…"

"Prove it." The bathroom went quiet but was interrupted by the bell overhead. I looked back up at him when it stopped ringing and put my hands in my front pockets. He looked confused and close to crying. It broke my heart but I still didn't feel secure enough to go back to him. "You'll do anything? Prove it. Tell anyone else besides our friends you're gay. Stop being so ashamed of it and admit it too me and everyone else here." He turned away from me and rubbed his hands over his face while he started to pace. "I'm sorry about your parents and I'm sorry I don't believe in you enough right now."

"Why are you doing this to us Kendall? I know what you want?"

"Oh you do? Why don't you tell _me_ what I want then." He looked back at me and stopped walking. I raised my eyebrows and put my hands out shrugging. "What do I want James?" I felt my bag started to fall off my shoulder but I didn't try to stop it. When it hit the floor hard, my books making it louder than it had to be, James started walking towards me. I tensed up but didn't back down because he had to know I was serious. My seriousness was suddenly thrown out the window he pushed his body into mine and I smacked into the wall. I felt his hands on my hips and they squeezed hard. Next I felt his lips smash into mine and I closed my eyes fast. My body, being stupid and horny, gave in and I kissed him back. I actually did a little more than kiss not that he was complaining. My hands went to the back of his head and I tilted it so I could have better access when I shoved my tongue inside his mouth. When I felt his hips snap forward rubbing, causing a hot friction between our groans, I pulled away from the kiss and set my head on the wall moaning lowly. His hands moved back, moving at a snail's pace to my butt, where he squeezed kind of rough. I opened my eyes and tugged on his hair.

"Something like this?" I turned my head back to face him and felt a smile on my face. "You don't think I know everything about you already? You don't think I know how hard that was for you to be without me?"

"You're so full of yourself James."

"But it's one of the things you love about me." I laughed quietly and pushed my forehead into his. "I'm so sorry about everything. But I'm going to make up for it. I'm going to fix how hurt I made you. I'm going to change your mind back to how you originally thought of me, and come Saturday night, we'll be going to prom together." I smiled and nodded but then shook my head fast.

"I promised I'd take Jo." He sighed irritated in front of me an di lifted my head, pushing him back only an inch. "You can sweep me off my feet but our tickets are already purchased. Camille made sure of that."

"Fine…but I get to take you home." I laughed, a little louder now and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer. "That's great about Logan and Camille though…he's been waiting for that since freshman year." I nodded and locked eyes with him. "Now we just need Carlos to ask the new girl to be his girlfriend." I snorted kissing onto James mouth and felt him squeeze my butt hard again but it really didn't faze me. He deepened and intensified the kiss making me get up on my tippy toes and cling onto him just a little tighter.

Even thought, every red flag was up in my head telling me danger, and don't do it, I didn't listen. I was so happy to be "back" with him I didn't care about my guard or my pride. I just cared about what would happen prom night, because I knew he has already done…"it". But I haven't and I can't imagine a more perfect person then James Diamond to do…"it" with.

**A/N**

**SORRY. THIS WAS WAY OVER DUE. **


	11. Chapter 11: Ice Cream

In the past couples years I had always tried to hide who I really was, and had always tried to trick my min into not thinking a certain way because that certain way was too "gay". I walked around worried and afraid someone would see through all the smoke and mirrors but now all I'm worried about is how I would "do" on Saturday night. Any 18 year old boy is always thinking about sex but for me it's different. I'm gay so I have to consider weather or not I'm a top or bottom. That is an actually terrifying thought for me. I've seen James…all of James and to be a bottom seems like it might be a little torturous. But on the other hand I don't think I would have any idea on what to do on top. And James has had experience. With a grown man who probably knew exactly what he was doing, and he probably made James feel really good during and after. How could I even compete with that? "Hey…you're not a very good shopping buddy." I turned my head slowly and shook it staring at Jo as she looked through yet another rack of pretty colorful, short and long dresses. "Camille is having better luck with a straight guy who keeps telling her to get a dress that shows some skin. Where's your mind?" She raised up a light blue long dress that was halter with a low back. Jo was the kind of girl that you could tell anything and in some way she would make it seem like what you told her, was okay, and it wasn't weird. I've known her since we were in the 6th grade and now knowing even more like that she is a lesbian and I'm gay, it seems like we have more in common and I can tell her anything. "I don't think I've seen you think this hard in a really long time…" I frowned and nudged her backing into the wall closest to us and shoved my hands in my pockets and yawned.

"Just thinking about prom." She snorted loudly and I laughed watching her as she continued finding another dress. "So I'm going to tell you something and I kind of want your advice on it." One of her eyebrows perked up and a small smile spread across her face. She was still the same Jo even though she liked girls. She still loved gossip and gossip I was going to give. "So there is a guy…" I heard a loud, mouse like squeak come from her lips as she ran to me and poked my stomach. "Calm down ya girl just listen…" I swatted her hand away and looked over her shoulder to make sure no one could hear us. "I can't really tell you who it is but I want to…be with him on Prom night and I'm kind of nervous." She nodded slowly and I shrugged looking down at the ground. "I just know he's had experience and I don't know what to expect."

"Well I'll just say before we get in this conversation I don't take dick and I never have so I can't really talk about that issue with you but…" She paused and looked me dead in the eyes. "It's James isn't it?" My face went hot and I straightened up shaking my head fast. She laughed and went back to the dresses grabbing the light blue one along with a deep cherry red, short one. "I already know it's him. When you left school Friday, I decided to come out and the weirdest thing happened…James came up to me, asked if I wanted to ditch with him and all day Friday he told me everything that has happened to you too." My mouth dropped open and she motioned me to follow after her to the dressing room. "Don't get all upset. He told me I was the first to know beside Logan and Carlos and u promised I wouldn't say anything but you seem desperate for some sex advice." She said it just as she walked in the dressing room laughing quietly. "He won't know how your feeling unless you tell him…" Her voice trailed off and I rolled my eyes taking a seat in the nice black leather couch. I stretched my legs out in front of me and glanced to the left seeing Camille and Logan walking up to us, both carrying arm full of dresses.

"We wouldn't be having this stress if you had asked me earlier Logan." I grinned as she walked past, after taking the dresses form Logan who was smiling and shaking his head as he walked to em and sat next to me.

"I hate prom. I was so nervous to ask the prettiest girl out all the while she had a ginormous crush on me and waited for a billion years for me to make my move. I'm a moron dude." He leaned down in his seat and I nodded laughing.

"I've been telling you that for ages Logan." He glared at me but it faded fast. "So guess who made out in the bathroom during 4th period today?" He frowned and turned to me making me laugh. "James has this way of convincing you, that you need him. My defensemen came down. I couldn't stop myself and now were going to go to prom together, with Jo…I guess. " He sat up fast and nodded still staring at me smiling. "I know it's probably not something you want to hear but I'm nervous about what could happen on Prom night, and Jo was no help."

"Rude…" I glanced to the dressing rooms fast and stood up just as quick. Both Jo and Camille were walking out in dresses. Jo was wearing the light blue, long dress while Camille had on a frilly, sparkly short black one. "So… if you liked Vag…would you hit this?" I smiled big and raised my thumb on my right hand nodding my head. "Good…because I'm so done with dress shopping and I need a pretzel or something. And you should know James told not only me but Camille and we've both agreed that if you actually do want to have sex with him, first you need to make sure it's for love, and not just to say you've had sex, and…" She stopped and put her hand son her small hips smiling big. "You need to feel safe with him. You need to know that if you give that part of yourself to him you won't get hurt afterwards." I saw Camille nod in agreement as she walked to Logan and jumped on his lap sitting and crossing her legs. "James can really talk a girls ear off about you, so if I had to guess he does care about you. So it's ultimately left up to you." She blew me a kiss and turned running back into the dressing room. "We need to get your tux but your buying me a pretzel before that!"

The great thing about being a dude is it's pretty easy to pick a simple tux for one night. Mine was all black, with a white shirt, a light blue vest and light blue tie. It's wasn't cheap but it was under my budget my mom gave me, which she would like. We were out of the mall by 8 and after Logan and I bought the girls dinner. When I did make it home my mom's car was gone, already at work, and James's truck was parked perfectly in his driveway. I literally sat for 5 minutes in my car looking over at his dark and empty looking house before I decided to go talk to him. I walked out of my own car just as the door of my house opened. I turned and smiled at my baby sister as she ran out to me. However my smile fell seeing her rubbing her eyes and I heard her cry out. She crashed into me, hard which was new for her. We never really hugged or showed any physical affection. And now, she was hugging me, crying. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was hold around her and let her cry as hard as she was. Just as I started walking up back to the house I saw someone else walking out of it. It was James and he looked anything but happy. Actually he looked down right pissed off. Just like when he walked into class today. "James?" He motioned for me to come into the house and I slowly walked Katie in with me. She wasn't crying as hard btu she was still sniffling and was still clutching onto my shirt.

"Katie your tea is done." As soon as the door closed behind me she let em go and ran into the kitchen. I pointed after her, mouth open and he walked close to me, dropping his voice. "You remember that kid she went on a date with?" I could only nod hearing her still sniffling. "He was dating her while dating another girl. And when she confronted him about it, he dumped her telling her she wasn't that pretty anyway. If that wasn't bad enough, he said it in front of the whole school." My heart broke for my little sister and James set a hand on my shoulder. "We tried calling you, but your phone just kept ringing. She came over to my house and I've been with her since. And don't think I'm being nice to your sister to get back on your good side. She's like my sister too. And another thing…in the bathroom today you never really told me what our make out fest meant I'm just a little confused. I told you I'd do anything to prove to you and I will I just need to know it won't be for not." We locked eyes and while my sister still cried quietly to herself and I wanted to be there for her, I had some of my own love problems as well.

"I'm…I love you." He frowned and took the last step to get right in front of me. His cologne wafted into my nostrils and I smiled small. "You and me…were going to leave prom together and were going to get a really nice room for the night, yeah?" His mouth fell open and I got on my tippy toes quick and kissed his open mouth. "You told Jo and Camille, about us, and that is a baby step. We're not the most perfect couple but I can't imagine any other guy I'd want to leave the prom with." I said it as discrete as possible, hoping he understood my deep down meaning. He had no response except keeping his mouth hanging open and I smiled. "And since I've got you here…I need to recut you and those muscles to scare the piss out of the kid who made my baby sister cry." His open mouth was replaced with an evil smile as he nodded. "Hey Katie…you wanna go get some ice cream?"


	12. Chapter 12: Take On The World

I loved seeing his face, anywhere, at any time. I loved to see his face when he was doing something he enjoyed, and I loved seeing that perfect face smile because he was doing something he enjoyed. I never thought making a 13 year old kid cry, would be that enjoyable, but it actually was. And I don't mean for me. Yeah the little douche bag hurt my baby sister, but I could never make him cry emotionally. Maybe physically. But James was convinced this kid needed to feel what Katie felt at school, so when we got to the ice cream place in the mall we got Katie as much as she wanted while James tried to rack the kid down. I don't know how he did it but he found the kid at the store right across from us. It was a girls store and surprisingly he was with a girl, buying her a pretty sparkly butterfly necklace. The poor kid didn't even see James come in and when he did, he had no escape. Katie and I had the perfect view and ear shot to find out what exactly James was doing. I was laughing too hard to get all of it, but I did hear something about a small penis, and that he would never have anyone as good as Katie. He also told the pretty girl with him, he was a lying cheater and if she was smart she would dump him. He left the store by telling the kid, if he ever came near Katie again he'd rip off said small penis and feed it to his two German Shepard's. I knew James didn't have German Shepard's but the kid didn't and it terrified him.

The whole car ride home Katie sat in the back with James telling him how awesome he was and how funny this was going to be tomorrow at school. She was convinced everyone would forget about what happened to her as soon as they heard what happened to him, and I was happy to see my baby sister smiling and going back to her old ways. As she was getting out of the car to go in the house she said she was going to swear off boys, but I couldn't really believe that. I wanted to…desperately because I couldn't see her get hurt again, but I knew it wouldn't happen.

I got out of the car at the same time as James and leaned against my closed door. He walked right in front of me setting one hand on the door behind me, outside my body putting the other one on my hip. I craned my neck just a tad to look up at his face and smiled small. "Thanks for being here for Katie and sticking up for her." He smiled back at me and shrugged.

"It was nothing…I loved seeing him cry. It made me feel good ya know?" I laughed and reached out for him hugging around his body laying my head on his shoulder. Both his arms wrapped around my back pulling me closer to him. "I want to ask you for a favor and I really need you to say yes." I closed my eyes and inhaled his musky scent before nodding once. "So…I need you to promise me you won't make any plans for lunch tomorrow and I need you to promise you wont question me or Logan or Carlos about it." I opened my eyes fast and pulled away from him looking up at his face. He had a stupid grin on his face and both hands moved up cupping my face. "Trust me please…and I promise it will all make sense when lunch time rolls around tomorrow." I frowned and grabbed handfuls on the back of his shirt. He laughed and leaned in kissing my nose softly. "Just trust me. Get a good night's sleep and I'll see you at school tomorrow." His kiss moved to my lips, softly and slowly and pecked at my own lips. I kissed him back but he pulled away fast and turned walking gracefully over our connected lawns. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched him the whole way to his door.

"I'll get it out of Carlos!" He turned to me and raised a hand pointing a finger at me.

"I bet you will try, but I can guarantee Carlos wont squeak." He unlocked his house and took a step in. "Love you!" I frowned and waited until I heard his door close. I pushed off my car fast and pulled out my cell phone.

The whole night I tried desperately to get it out of Logan and Carlos who both told me they knew what it was about but had promised James they'd keep their mouths shut. I even tried bribing Carlos with money, candy and as many corndogs he could eat but he still didn't budge. I didn't fall asleep tell about 2 tossing and turning, trying to think about what could happen at lunch tomorrow. I woke up three hours later, took my shower, finished up a little bit of math homework and printed out a few papers that were due for history and English and made my way down stairs. I was only a little surprised to see James sitting at the kitchen table eating with my mom and sister, who both looked exhausted. I sat next to James and started eating while they all stayed quiet. We actually ate in complete silence which was beyond weird and when we finished eating my mom sent us on our way out of the house. She told me to have a good day at school and that she would see me later. I waved awkwardly and walked out with James who, when I got to my car grabbed my hand and pulled me across our lawns to his truck. I frowned and stared at him as he opened my door for me. He laughed and kissed me cheek quick before hitting my butt and nudging me in the passenger side of his truck. "Trust me Kendall." I rolled my eyes and got in the truck slamming the door behind me.

Again, it was completely quiet between us. He didn't even have the radio on. When we got to school, like usual he parked in the back near Carlos and Logan who were by themselves sitting on the hood of Carlos's car. I got out fast, irritate and tired and walked over to them, giving them dirty looks. Logan only laughed while Carlos swallowed hard and looked over my shoulder before looking back at me. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you Kendall but I really want what James is going to give me." I raised an eyebrow and moved towards him.

"Well if you tell me…I'll double whatever James is planning on giving you." His mouth dropped open but he closed it quick when James got beside me grabbing a hold of my arm and leading me away. "Come on Carlos. Tell me what he's planning and I'll give you what he was going to give you and whatever else you want! Come on buddy! It's alright!" He opened his mouth but he was cut off by Logan who hit him hard in the arm. I turned my attention to James who let em go but made sure I kept walking. "I hope this is worth it because your making me pretty mad."

"Calm down…you waited all night, you can wait four more hours. And it's pretty funny you thought you could break Carlos."

"I bribed him with food James! What the hell could you have offered to keep his mouth shut?!" I kept it hushed as we walked further up to the school.

"Well I offered him my house for Prom Night." I stopped fast and eh kept walking, laughing. "So your whole offering double thing…you just offered to get him to lose his "v" card twice…I guess." I stomped my foot in the brattiest way possible and hurried after him running into his shoulder.

Those four hours were the longest and most torturous hours of my life. It didn't help that my 4th period James was sitting in front of me and every now and then he'd look back at me and smile big. Also, at different times, between the hour, James, Carlos and Logan got up to use the bathroom, but were gone for almost 10 minutes each. Each time one of them would come back, they would have a stupid look on their face like when lunch came around it wasn't going to be very much fun for me. I trusted James but I just know how my friends are, and humiliation is on the top of their fun list.

However lunch time final came and I got up, walking out not even bothering to wait for any of them. I walked quickly to my locker and yawned putting in my combination. I put in the same three number is have all year, yet they didn't open my locker. I groaned and put my head against the cool of the metal and tried again. I knew in the back of my head this had to be my idiot friends doing and it really pissed me off. I was in the dark long enough. Now it was just getting irritating. "Hey…will come back for your stuff, just come with us for a minute." I turned opening my eyes and staring at only Carlos and Logan. I sighed and shrugged walking away with them. I stayed close behind them when we walked outside. I noticed a lot of kids were walking along with us but I didn't think too much into it. That is, until I saw where we were all walking. The way our school was built was very open ad right in between all the buildings was a pretty big quad where we had rally's bon fires and lunch most of the time. It had tables set up everywhere and the was one table in particular, that was set in the middle of all the rest, that all of kids always tried to sit at. I guess it showed how cool you were or whatever. If you sat at the middle table, everyone was bound to stare at you for whatever dumb high school reason. Today was no exception. However no one was sitting at the table eating their lunch. Someone was standing on the table and that someone is who I liked to call the love of my life.

It looked like he was waiting for more people to show up because he wasn't saying anything. I stopped right between Carlos and Logan who had moved out of my way, just so I could get closer. I couldn't take my eyes off James and when he spotted me he smiled big and waved. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together loudly. "Hey can I have everyone's attention real quick?" My stomach dropped down to my toes and I turned to Logan fast.

"What the hell is he doing?" He put a finger to his lips and pointed to James with his other hand.

"Shh…pay attention. You might want to hear this."

"Cool…uhm I know a lot of you don't know who I am, and I don't know who a lot of you are but I do have something I think all of you should know." My heart starting pounding and my head started to spin. If this was what I thought it was going to be, I told myself in my head, he was the one and anything bad that has happened to us in the past I can look over. He was willing to do something I asked him to do even thought he was scared to do it. He was going to come out to our school. "Last week one of my best friends was thrown out and forced to tell one of his deepest secrets." I put my head down seeing people staring at me. Both Carlos and Logan patted my shoulders gently making em look back up, directly at James. "None of that would have happened if it hadn't been for me and my mistake." He found me in the crowd again and shrugged. "I've apologized as many times as I could and think he forgave me but for me that isn't enough." I smiled small and he swallowed hard. "I know a lot of you don't care if anyone is gay, or what kind of clothes they wear because it isn't important, and frankly it's none of your business. But that doesn't seem to stop some of you for talking shit and laughing behind someone back. So today, as all of you as my witnesses and because I promised someone I would prove how I feel I…" He paused and glanced around suddenly growing shy and nervous. The whole crowd was completely quiet staring up at him and his cheeks went red. My heart and soul ached for him to just jump down and tell them never mind. He shouldn't have to do this. Especially at my expense. "I'm…uhm…."

"It's alright James." I turned to Carlos who was smiling and nodding at him, encouraging him. I crossed my arms over chest turning to James, hoping he could read my mind. He shook his head and cleared his throat softly.

"I'm gay." His voice was soft and a little quite but everyone still heard him. From the people around me I could hear them say, they had a feeling because of how protective he was of me, and then I heard some people say, who cares and then walk away. Most of the crowd stared up at him, in complete…surprise I guess. Maybe because they didn't think anyone would be brave enough to come out like this. "I'm gay and I am actually in love with someone and if none of you don't like it, I don't care. I'm not going to threaten you if you make fun of me or say something to anyone else because I don't care what you think. But high school isn't fun for anyone different and if we want to start acting like immature ignorant jerks then I'll play along." He paused and some people turned to their friends smiling and shrugging. "Uhm…so I guess that's it…have a good lunch." He jumped off the table fast and disappeared in the crowd. Most of the crowd laughed and went along with their day while some said hi to James and told him he was brave. I could faintly see his mop of brown hair as he pushed through the people to get to where we were. The school went back to being loud and normal teenagers just as James walked up to us. He stopped right in front of me a small shy smile on his face. I smiled back trying my hardest not to burst.

"That…" I stopped and noticed both Logan and Carlos staring at us. I sighed softly and they backed away grinning from ear to ear. When we were relatively alone minus the random people passing by, I got closer to him and put my hands in my pockets. "That was the best thing anyone has done for me." He sighed out in relief loudly and moved forward, pulling me in for a big hug. I saw a few people watch us, but closed my eyes and hugged him back, blocking them all out. "When I told you to prove it to me, I didn't mean like this."

"Now you tell me…" His voice was soft and low and I laughed pushing into him harder. "There's also something in your locker." I frowned and put my face in his neck inhaling.

"You had to change my combination?"

"It makes it more fun for me. Besides your new combination is easy. It's my birthday."

"You are so conceded James Diamond." He chuckled deeply in my ear making em shiver. "You really don't care what anyone thinks?" He didn't say anything right away which made me look up and push away from him. He was smiling and glanced around shrugging.

"We have two months left with these people. If anyone of them care that much and want to make our lives hell, let them. As long as we got each other, we can take on the world, right?" I nodded a couple times and laughed setting my hands gently on his neck. "Now…lets go to your locker…I don't want the puppy to suffocate." My mouth dropped open as he grabbed my hand and started leading us away.

"You locked a puppy in my locker?!" He only shrugged and nodded at people walking by who smiled and waved, being all around nice. "James…that's awful!" I tugged on his hand trying to make him go faster. When we made it to my locker, I quickly put in his birthday and swung the door open. I was expecting a puppy to jump in my arms but nothing did. Instead I frowned reaching in pulling out a yellow, 70 page notebook. I turned to him eyebrows raised and he shrugged.

"You burned the last one I'm told…and I thought we should try to pick up right where we left off." I smiled and leaned against my open locker seeing him do the same to the one next to mine. "I already wrote in the first couple pages, so it's your turn." He leaned in, kissed my lips softly and pulled back. "Also…I have my lunch in here so…" He reached in my locker and pulled out not a lunch but a small bouquet of yellow lilies. I gently took them form him, sniffed them and glanced up at him. He was watching em closely and was watching me with pure love.


	13. Chapter 13: No guy in New York

I could hardly concentrate on the road ahead of me. My toes were numb with excitement and my head was swimming with countless ideas of how the night and the following day would play out. For the first time in a long time, I had a perfect fay at school. James's stunt on Tuesday was pretty darn close to perfect but it only was perfect from lunch on. Today…as soon as I woke up, I was instantly hit with perfect. Mainly because for the first time in ever, I was waking up in his arms, and he was still asleep. He looked so cute with his hood on over his head and his big strong arms holding onto me tight. There were soft lines on his forehead telling me he was dreaming about something so intense which meant he was probably worried about something. Something silly like what clothe she would wear today. It was silly, but I still loved him for it. And my day just got better after that. We got ready for school and drove together in my car. The first half was a breeze and it seemed like more people, mostly girls were coming up to us and talking and laughing with us. It was like all of a sudden we were the coolest guys in school and even though neither of us liked vaginas, they sure seemed to flock to us. Which was probably the highlight of my day because all the other guys who didn't seem okay with James and I, were jealous. We were getting their girls and they couldn't say or do anything about it.

What really added the cherry on this day was while I was sitting in my 5th period quietly reading with Logan next to me, the door opened of our class and Carlos walked up to the teacher whispered something in her ear, and quietly she told both Logan and I we were excused early. I gave a weird look to Carlos but he shrugged, a glazed look over his face which was typical Carlos. Logan and I followed him out, and as soon as we were in the hall I was tackled into the wall l by James. Without telling us anything except for me to follow Logan's car we walked out of the building and drove out of the parking lot.

So while I tried concentrating on not driving off the side of the road, James sat quietly next to me looking through his phone to play a song. But h wasn't just sitting there. He would occasionally look over at me, smile big and then look back down at the phone. And then he would softly sigh, leaning against the car door and put his head in his hand, still searching for a song. It was way too cute for me to not say anything to him. "Where are we going?"

"You're the one driving." I frowned and sunk in my seat seeing Logan getting on the freeway meaning I had to merge really quick to keep following. "So Carlos's parents are out of town for the weekend, which is pretty convenient if you ask me, so he doesn't need my house tomorrow night which means it will be empty. Still." I raised an eyebrow and looked at him in the corner of my eye. "So I was thinking after we make sure our other date gets home safety we could go to my house and…" I nearly choked on the air I was trying to breath hearing him almost say what I assumed he was going to say. But he never did. He just finally connected his phone to my car and turned the volume up a little so we could hear it but not get over powered by it. His song choice was odd because I honestly had no idea he listened to this kind of music. It was Pink and the song was called it's All Your Fault and I knew the song. I was just surprised to find out he did to.

I continued to follow Logan all the way out to Carlos's house before realizing we were stopping at a grocery store. I frowned parking next to Logan and turned to James. He smiled and leaned in kissing my cheek softly. "Were just gonna crash at Carlos's tonight and get ready together before the dance. I already packed your tux and an overnight bag with all your bathroom stuff." He pulled away fast and got out even faster leaving the butterfly's in my stomach to flutter even faster and erratic.

By the time we did make it to Carlos's house it was almost 8 at night. Not only did we get a bunch of junk food and energy drinks for the weekend we made time to watch a movie. James never left my side, and he actually held my hand in public. My perfect day couldn't have been more perfect. That is until we made it down to Carlos's basement and he pulled me into his side, snuggling me under his arm on our sleeping bags on the ground in front of the couch. We sat back and watched Carlos and Logan argue over which movie to watch while we ate popcorn. I swear their more of a movie then the ones we actually watch. But they decided on one, took their seats next to us on the floor, gave us a strict hands above the blanket rule and played the movie. We were only 5 minutes into before I realized something.

"Guys…how long have we been doing this?"

"Here he goes…Mr. Talk through every movie we ever watch. Should I push pause? Is this going to take all night?" I turned and glared at Carlos who smiled at me. James grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it at Carlos who tried to catch every piece. "I'm serious...we've been friends since we were in diapers and it seems like every weekend were at one of our house watching stupid b movies in someone's basements." Everyone went quiet and Logan turned down the TV. "What happens when we graduate? And all go off to different schools, or just off to start our lives…we'll never get to do this again." I sat back feeling like a truck hit me head on and breathed out hard. "We're all going to never see each other again." I saw the movie get paused but I didn't care. I also felt James un tangle himself from me just so he could move in front of me. Carlos quickly did the same thing, except going sort of in front of Logan. I noticed how Logan had become and glanced to him seeing him staring right at me.

"I got into Harvard last week." I felt my mouth go dry as he nervously glanced around. "I honestly didn't think I would...in was just applying for the hell of it because we all had the plan to go to MSU. I seriously didn't think I could get in and now I don't know what to do…" He paused and looked to me. Even before I could say anything or do anything his attention was taken away to James.

"What do you mean you don't know what you're going to do?" I also turned to him and saw him smiling. "Dude! You got into Harvard! That's freakin amazing!" James moved fast and pulled Logan into a big tight hug. Logan's eyes found mine and he opened his mouth to again speak but I couldn't hear it. I stood up fast and turned practically running tot eh stairs. I hurried up them and as soon as I got to the top I slammed the basement door behind me.

I was still trying to understand why I was so upset at Logan. Maybe it was because Logan was one ultimate best friend. I never like to put them in order but if I did for some reason, Logan was always on top. I went to him for everything, including everything dealing with James. How was I supposed to go to him if he was in Boston? And what else was upsetting was that even though everyone knew Logan was a genius he always seemed to doubt himself and that sucked to know he didn't think he could get into Harvard. And while I ran out, like a little baby, I should have been hugging him and congratulating him, telling him I was proud and happy. But no, I didn't. To add onto the load of guilt and sadness, I left Logan alone making him probably think I hated him. I was a horrible friend and a terrible person. "Hey…" I turned fast away from the kitchen sink and crossed my arms over my chest watching James, Logan and Carlos walk in. Logan looked anywhere but at me and that hurt. James got right in front of me and Carlos got right next to me. "Okay…what's wrong? Why'd you bring up that conversation?" I frowned at him and he turned to Logan. "Don't you think there's something you should say to our best friend to make him feel better and not like a piece of poop?" Logan shoved James lightly and I smiled shaking my head.

"I don't…" Logan looked up and I shrugged looking to the ground. "I've always had this plan in the back of my mind. We were all going to go to the same college and live the rest of our lives together because that's what best friends do but…"

"Wait a minute." I looked up fast and looked to Logan who was giving me a weird look. "At first you were worried about us not seeing each other because we would be at different schools. You didn't know I wasn't going to MSU so why'd you even say it?" My head went in about 20 different direction seeing all three of them, James making it the worst, stare at me. Logan crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "You applied somewhere else and got in, didn't you?" My eyes darted to James who only looked as confused as Carlos and Logan. He suddenly laughed quietly and shrugged.

"You would have told me if you applied somewhere else so I know that's not true at all." I swallowed hard feeling the guilt creep in. James's smiled fell and he stepped closer to me. "Did you apply somewhere else?" I could only nod once and out of nowhere I was shoved by Logan who smiled regardless.

"Trying to make me feel guilty. Jerk…where'd you apply? And obviously you got in if your hiding it until the last minute." I couldn't look away from James even if I tried. He looked a little hurt but more so curious.

"Columbia." I tried ot be as quiet as possible but they all still heard me. Logan cheered and hugged me quick before he realized no one else was cheering with him. It went completely quiet and still and I saw James turning away just to lean on the counter next to me. "I applied because they have a great social work school."

"Social work?" I turned to Carlos and nodded. "What like…counseling?" I nodded again and he chuckled patting my shoulder softly. "Well that makes sense for you…are you going to play hockey?"

"They don't have a hockey team unfortunately but it's okay. It's not something I want to do anymore. I love hockey don't get me wrong but I want to help people ya know?" Carlos smiled big and nodded but he frowned fast and outed.

"So you and Logan aren't going to MSU with James and I? That's just hella rude. That was your idiot plans to begin with." I laughed softly and patted his shoulder knowing his puppy dog face wasn't going to be half as bad as what James would give me. "Well good for you guys. Just know if you become rich doctors and therapists to whatever, I'm living with you." I laughed along with Logan who stopped quick and pulled Carlos out of the kitchen back to the basement. "Were playing this movie!" The door shut softly and I was finally forced to face James. He was looking straight ahead with a smile on his face. I reached down and carefully snuck my fingers in-between his and squeezed softly. He turned to me still smiling and chuckled lightly.

"Carlos is right…its rude you and Logan are the ones not going to the school we all decided on." I frowned and bowed my head down setting my forehead don his shoulder. "However…I think it is the cutest damn thing knowing you want to help people like that, and if that's what is going to make you happy forever, I support you 100%." I straightened out fast and smiled big at him hoping he was telling the truth. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything for you James." He quickly moved in front of me grabbed my hips and kissed me hard. I had to hold onto his shoulders just so I wouldn't fall to my knees. He forced my mouth open and shoved his tongue inside giving em the best make out session we've had in a really long time. When he finally did pull away he breathed out hard and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. I caught my breath looking up at him also cleaning up my mouth.

"No guy in New York can kiss you like that and you won't let any of them try. Promise me." I felt my heart burst and jump into his chest, melding into his and nodded.

"I promise. No guy in New York can kiss me like that and I won't let any of them try." He moved back into me setting his forehead on mine and breathing out softly.

"Now…if I could just make it through prom without ripping your tux off I'll be okay." The butterflies were back in there spots in my stomach and I blushed hard closing my eyes.

**So I know everyone probably wants the prom to happen and it will in the next chapter but I just felt like this needed to happen because if I do make a second story to this, depending on what you guys think, I want there to be that drama of them at two different schools far apart so, just let me know and tell em if you have any ideas or what not. Thanks for reading! **


	14. Chapter 14L Good Reason

"This is why I hate being a girl…you can put on as much makeup as you want, but it will all fade eventually and you end up looking like a drunk clown prostitute." The statement was funny to me because Jo looked nothing like a drunk clown prostitute. She didn't even look like a prostitute. I never understood that about girls. Even at their prettiest, they think they are at their ugliest. It was funny in the beginning because I was trying my hardest not to be gay, but now it's frustrating. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways and most girls don't need makeup to prove it. Especially Jo.

"Can I have the mirror Jo? Logan got a little messy back here." I smirked as I gently turned my head and looked in at the backseat at Logan and Camille who were both holding onto each other, out of breath. Logan sighed out hard and laid his head back laughing quietly.

"Hey…this is my dad's SUV. Don't go making little Camille and Logan babies back there." I chuckled with the rest of the car turning back to the front. I was right behind the driver's seat which was occupied by Carlos. He was concentrating very hard on the road ahead of him while his date, Stephanie sat pretty next to him bobbing along to the music blaring form the car speakers. I turned my head to the right, just slightly and grinned wide. James was sitting behind Stephanie and he was of course watching me. I looked at the little blonde in-between us, seeing her not paying attention and looked back to him blowing him a small kiss. He chuckled to himself and looked back out his window. I couldn't stop grinning as I sunk a little in my seat and also watched the town as it passed by us. I watched a few rain drops run down the glass outside and bet which one would win the race. We had 30 minutes to drive left to our prom location and watching rain race was the absolute highlight of my day.

It started off at 6 this morning which was way too early for a Saturday. It was pouring down rain which wasn't unusual for a May day but it wasn't typical for a dance day. James and I literally had to hold up Jo's dress so it didn't get ruined in the rain and Logan carried Camille to the car so she wouldn't ruin her shoes. We stayed indoors mostly all day only going out for lunch. It was a lazy day, one that I enjoyed probably too much. James never left my side and I rarely let go of his hand. I really loved the rain and I loved that I spent all day in it, well around it, with James. "Who do you guys think is going to win king and queen?" We all turned our attention to Stephanie who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Who cares? It's probably going to be some stupid football player, and a stupid cheerleader screwing said football player." I looked down at Jo frowning and she shrugged crossing her arms over her chest. "Just sayin…"

"Someone's bitter she got kicked off the squad." Jo turned fast and glared at her best friend in the back who was getting her neck sucked on my Logan. Camille shoved Logan away who pouted but moved away. "What if it turns out to be you Jo?"

"Well they kicked a dyke off the squad because no one wants a dirty lesbian cheering with other girls, why in the world would they let me be their queen?"

"I heard James is in the running for king." It was the first time Logan had spoken since getting in the car and that was what he says. I saw out of the corner of my eye, James staring back at Logan greatly offended. "I did…everyone is either giving you the vote because your James Diamond and you have great hair, or because they think your cool for what you did on Tuesday. It's still up in the air though." I smirked sideways and looked back out at my window seeing James frustrated. He was so cute when he was irritated. I could kiss that angry little face every minute of every day.

"Well I'm voting for both James and Jo. A gay guy and a lesbian as prom king and queen? That would be killer to see." I laughed along with Stephanie hearing James sigh irritated.

"You guys got my vote." The back of my head was gently slapped by James who reached behind Jo and just as I was going to reach in front of her to hit his stomach the car stopped, and Carlos shut off the engine.

"Here we are. Everything got moved inside so let's get going." Carlos was the first to step out followed by James. Again both James and I helped Jo with her dress all the way inside. When she smoothed the dress out, she was called over by a group of girls who started talking about her dress. I nervously shoved my hands in my pockets and glanced around seeing the entire senior class waiting patiently to get into the grand room. James and both of our tickets but because of a strict rule put in place last year by the school, two boys couldn't come as dates and neither could two girls. I was Jo's date and James was alone. It was stupid and idiotic but we were going to follow the rules to the end.

"I don't know if I told you this tonight…but you look handsome." I felt a hand slip on my waist, almost as sneakily as the small kiss to the back of my neck. It was gone though as soon as I turned around to see James smiling at a teacher walking by. I walked closer to him getting right by his ear.

"You practically dressed me. Of course I look handsome. I'm regretting it already though. This tux sucks so bad. I want to take it off." James looked down at me and clicked his tongue a couple times shaking his head.

"Naughty boy. Save it for after the dance." I pushed him away quick and turned walking over to Jo.

The beginning was slow going, with everyone mostly just getting drinks and finding a table. Dinner was served in a buffet sort of way and actually served a big selection of different things. All at our table was James and me, with Jo, Carlos and Stephanie and of course the biggest PDA couple at the prom, Logan and Camille. I sat as close to James as I could without actually sitting on his lap. Occasionally his hand or my hand would slip under the table and rest on the others knee or thigh. We were putting on a face of enjoyment and happiness to show that our friends around us, we weren't ready to burst at the seam and rip each others clothes off. We had to or else we'd probably get kicked out, and looking around now, I can see, I would like to do no such thing.

The place our prom was being held was a really private country club with its own golf course. It was big and really expensive looking with pretty paintings here and there and a staff of about 100 just for the kitchen. It was going to be one of the only times I was ever going to step foot in a place this, and eat this great food so I was going to really enjoy myself. I even got myself to get up and drag Jo out on the dance floor for a slow dance. I made sure James was okay and that he didn't mind that I danced with someone else before taking her hand and walking her through the crowd to the middle of the dance floor. I spun her out once before pulling her into my body resting a hand on her hip and letting her lay her head on my shoulder. We slowly danced to the soothing beat looking around at all the other couples also dancing. I could see, almost too perfectly, the sad look on James's face. It made me a little sad as well but when I saw Logan and Carlos sit on either side of him, all of them laughing automatically. "Hey Kendall? Can I ask you a question?" I gently set my head on hers and smiled small, humming a soft response. "When did you realize…I mean if you are…when did you realize you were in love with James?" I raised my head and led her around the other couples, quite gracefully.

"In sophomore year…it really wasn't my year at all. I was going through a really awkward puberty faze. I had horrible acne, I was a tall gangly looking kid who was quiet and so angry at everyone. James was the one guy I could turn to for anything and everything. One day after another horrible day of school, followed by a killer hockey practice, I walked all the way home just crying my eyes out seriously contemplating killing everyone when I ran right into James. I tried to play it cool act like I wasn't crying like a little pussy, but he knew. He took me into his house, got me clamed down and then let me vent on him. Here I was a gross angry kid talking to a God like creature and he never once laughed. He actually helped me. He offered to go running in the morning with me to get some anger out. He told me about his skin and hair regimen…I'm thinking about it now I should have known he was gay." She giggled into my chest and pulled closer to me. "Anyway…he was such a great friend to me, that even thought I had known I had some serious feelings for him, I had never seen him as someone I could fall in love with until that day. He doesn't know this but I love the James Diamond that is kind, and gentle, with the heart the size of Texas. I knew that when James became my best friend, he also became the love of my life." Jo gracefully, pulled away smiling ear to ear, knocking into a few people, not even caring.

"If I ever get a love like you and James…" She spun back into me just as the song ended and a fast one began. "Kill me before I throw up with how cute it is." I spun her out fast letting her go laughing along with her. We both walked off the dance floor joking to ourselves. When we got back to the table, Camille and Stephanie quickly dragged Jo off tot eh bathroom and I took my seat next to James who was watching em the entire time.

"Have fun dancing?" I nodded and sipped form my cherry coke glancing around at all the smiling and happy kids. "So I was thinking…Logan wants us to at least wait until they announce the king and queen which is in a couple minutes but then I was thinking we could go…" he raised an eyebrow and leaned on the table close to me. "I'll have to call a cab but I'd really like to leave after the king and queen announcement." I swallowed a very hard lump in the back of my throat looking down at my empty dirty plate. I know my cheeks were red because he laughed and poked one closest to him making me huff and swat his hand away.

"You aren't going to dance at all?"

"I have two left feet…you know that." I looked over at him fast one eyebrow cocked up. He laughed and turned his attention to the front of the club.

"Can I have everyone's attention up here please…we'd like to announce this years king and queen of the prom so if I can everyone quiet down and look up here…thank you." Our principal cleared his throat and ripped open an envelope smiling big. "This year's king is…drumroll please." The whole place erupted into people banging on the table like they were drums before our principal put up his hand to get everyone quiet. "James Diamond!" I smiled big and turned to him gently nudging his shoulder. He groaned but quickly put on a fake happy smile standing up and heading to the stage. Our principal shook his hand fast, and took the plastic gold crown form the secretary at the front of the office at school and set it gently on his head. He got back in front of the microphone and looked back down at the paper again. "And his queen is…drumroll please!" Everyone rolled their tongues on the roof of their mouths and patted on the table, just to amuse our principal. He gently raised his hand and smiled big, clearing his throat. "Kendall Knight!" The whole room went suddenly very quiet, just as I felt two people, my best friends sit down right next to me. I felt ice race up and down my spine, my arms all over my body. All the good feelings i had been feeling since waking up today vanished in a millisecond. I wanted so very desperately to run out of the room into the pouring rain and lunge in front of speeding semi-truck. All my fears came running back into my head, like the day I was outed to my school. Every pair of eyes was on me, and unlike when everyone saw my naked body on another guys naked body, no one was laughing, no one was pointing and no one was throwing out "faggot" like it was "like". Everyone around me was staring at me with nothing but pity and sadness. My two best friends, thankfully, each had a hand on my shoulders and were squeezing gently. I could feel at least three other people behind me and came to the conclusion that it must have been Camille, Stephanie, and Jo. I felt complete comfort from the five of them around me, and it really helped to see James from the stage looking pissed and really upset. It also kind of helped, not all that much, to see all the other kids and some of the teachers looking sad and applaud. My cheeks were on fire and I felt nauseas. It got extremely worse when I heard loud laughing from a group of guys in the corner by the stage. It was of course headed by Stan Lawrence. "Oh my God…uhm…just give me one second folks…" The principal turned away from the microphone and walked to the side where Stan and his friends were standing, James aggressively tore the crown off his head and tossed it to the lady behind him. I finally looked away from the horrifying scene in front of me.

"No one is laughing except Stan. It's alright dude…" Logan's voice really cleared the air for me but it wasn't enough. "You wanna leave? " I barely shrugged my shoulders hearing the room get a little louder again, everyone forgetting about my momentary embracement. I felt a little revealed at that and even more when I was being picked up on either sides.

"Hey…go fins James will ya?" I heard a small kiss, probably between Carlos and Stephanie and lifted my head. Logan and Carlos were leading me to the front door all while everyone watched us leave. A few teachers, most importantly my history teacher spotted us and walked with us. When the fresh air hit my face I closed my eyes and let out a much needed deep breath.

"That is it, we can't let those boys get away with this. They have gone too far this time and I will not tolerate and neither should anyone else."

"I agree Frank but we need a lot of proof unfortunately." I reopened my eyes and saw my history and science teacher in front of me, standing alongside of Carlos and Logan who were both watching em closely. "Don't worry Kendall. Ignorance hasn't spread through the students that much. No one honestly cares, weather your gay or straight and the principal will punish them as he sees fit. I promise they wont get away with it." I forced a pained smile wishing I was either in James arms, feeling him give me sweet, and gentle kisses, or hearing my mom tell me she loved me and was proud of me for being who I was. The later wouldn't happen until tomorrow morning and the first came very fast. I felt a strong, familiar safe hand, clutch onto mine, pulling me close to him.

"Principal Brooks is pretty mad. I don't think they're going to come back to school Monday, or the rest of the year." I was grateful to turn and look up to see his face, although showing traces of anger, staring down at me, pitiful and sad for me. I forced my smile to get even bigger and he pulled me so close I was able to lay my head on his shoulder. I felt safe and I felt happy, regardless of what just happened. "Do you want to leave?" I nodded on his shoulder and closed my eyes suddenly realizing how close we were getting to actually doing…it. I refused to say or think about the word sex, because not only would it be my first time and the though alone was nerve racking, I was fully aware that the first time I had sex would be the first time I felt real love and real love, in my eyes, meant begin fully grown up and not a kid anymore. That was a scary thought and a yet a fun one. I was going to be exacted as soon as we did it.

"Yeah…we'll all leave. I'll drop you guys off first." I opened my eyes to see Carlos throwing the keys to James before him and Logan walked back into the prom, which was now back to its original sound and environment.

"If you want…I can beat in Stan's face." I chuckled into his jacket seeing our teachers now walking back to the rom, giving James a "don't you dare" kind of look. I laughed a little louder and felt him put both hands around my body holding em even tighter. "I can understand if the mood, or…you just don't want to…" He cleared his throat quietly, and nervously making me pull away a little and look up at him. He was looking at me, but was obviously awkward. "It's alright. I won't pressure you in any way." I nodded softly and laid my head back down on his shoulder.

"That's sweet of you, but I can't think of any good reason to not do it tonight."


	15. Chapter 15: Liquid Courage

I wanted to jump on him in the back seat the second we sat down, but when our friends piled in, laughing and making plans to get some ice crème, I had to hold it all in and keep it in my pants. It took all of my will power to just gently set my hand on James knee and lay on his shoulder. He wrapped both his arms around my one on his knee and held me gently, kissing the top of my head, every now and then. He would engage in conversation with our friends, like telling them we just wanted ot go home, and not go to ice crème with them and he said we would meet up with them tomorrow. when Carlos parked the car in front of James's house, Logan got out with us and patted James shoulder before getting back in. While we said our goodbyes, I noticed my mom's car was gone form the driveway, and no lights were on in my house. I knew my mom was at work, but I didn't know if my sister was home or out with friends. I waved one last time, to our friends while James snuck an arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. I felt a kiss to my cheek as I watched the tail lights disappear around the corner of the street, and turned to James fast. "I'm really happy that we're…doing this James." He looked down at me and smiled big leading me up to his front door. "I'm sorry we left so early though. Just as you won King."

"I don't need any of that rap Kendall. It's just a stupid high school prom. I don't really care." I nodded and pushed our bodies so close together, our hips lined up and we walked, almost as if we were one. "Besides, I was planning on leaving after all that because I wanted to be alone with you so bad." I couldn't help but blush and put my face in his neck as I smiled and felt a burst of his love rush through my body. We stopped in front of his door, just so he could pull out his keys and unlock his door. "When I saw you, in your tux, with your hair all gelled back, and your face free of the little hair you called a beard…I don't know…it drove me wild and I was regretting even wanted to go to the prom." I laughed in his neck and heard the lock of his door get un done and stepped inside before him, untangling our bodies. I took only two steps forward and stopped abruptly looking around. His living room was set up completely, form ceiling to floor in flowers, candles, and what looked like chocolate. It was dark, none of the candles lit yet but I could already tell how beautiful it all looked. In the center, on the floor was a thick pile of blankets. There was probably 10 blankets spread out and stacked on one other, making a make shift bed, also surrounded by pillows. I turned fast just as James closed and locked the door and stepped up beside me.

"James…you've out done yourself this time." He smiled big and leaned in quick to steal a soft kiss form my lips.

"I told you…" He shimmied out of his jacket, throwing it to the couch pushed up against the wall while he walked to the fireplace. "I was going to fix everything, and show you how much I actually love you. So…you can go change into some of my clothes upstairs while I get set up down here if you want." H kneeled in front of the fireplace and looked back at me, a huge grin on his face. "I have something else to do so take your time up there." I sighed softly and walked over to him, holding his face and titling it up to me so I could kiss him hard. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, and that nothing more was needed for him to prove to me that he loved me. I just knew. I hoped my kiss said it all because I was afraid if I had started to talk, I would cry and look pathetic in front of him, like so many times before. So I finished off the kiss with a little peck and stood up and ran to the stairs, taking them two by two.

It had been a while since I was in James house, let alone his room. Ever since we started dating, he was always coming over ot my house, ro we were finding an empty parking lot we could make out in. I think he never wanted me over here because of his parents, and I was okay with that. He's parents were nice ot me and my mom and sister, but they treated James like shit, and I hated seeing it. And since we started dating, I had never been in his room, with him, let alone by myself. It felt weird stepping in the dark and almost pained room. I could tell James spent most of his time in his room since his parents left, and that killed me. I should have been there for him, and I should have put our relationship aside, to be his friend and help him through his parents leaving. But I wasn't and I don't think I could ever forgive myself for doing that to him.

I walked through his room slowly, heading straight for the dresser by his closet. I know we were going to have sex, nothing could stop that from happening, but I also wanted to get comfortable, and maybe ask how he was doing before we actually did. That's what a good boyfriend would do, and more importantly what a friend would do. So I quickly took off my tux, leaving only boxers and black socks on and opened the second drawer to reveal a few different pairs of sweats. I grabbed the top ones, black with pockets and slipped them on tying the strong around my waist just tight enough so they didn't fall off with my first step. With my sweats on, I opened his top drawer and grabbed the first plain white shirt I saw. I pulled it on slowly hearing him walking around downstairs and remembered he told me to take my time. I sighed gently and scooped up my tux and walked ot his closet opening it up. I grabbed an empty hanger and slipped the pants, my shirt, my jacket and my tie on the hanger and hung it up next to his clothes. I took a second to thumb through the clothes to see if there was any other shirt he had that I might want to wear, but saw none, except a dark blue hoodie that I always loved seeing on him. I grabbed hi and pulled it on my body turning out of his closet and heading to the bedroom door. "Can I come down now?" I leaned on the door frame and crossed my arms over my chest biting my bottom lip.

"Uhh…yeah. Come on down." I held back a squeal of excitement and pushed off the door frame hurrying down the stairs. The first thing I noticed was the smell. It was a mix of the flowers and a very distinct scent of vanilla. I steppe doff the last step gently, and smiled seeing all the candles lit, and some of the flowers leaning up against the wall by the fireplace, which was blazing fiercely. James was no where to be seen but I saw the light from the kitchen and heard some glasses clinking together. "I hope you like champagne. I don't want you to ask how I bought a bottle of champagne but I did and I feel awesome for it." I smiled and slowly walked around all the lit candles, and flowers. I stepped on the pile of blankets and sat down gently.

"Actually I have never had champagne. And the less I know, the better I feel." I picked up a stem of a yellow lily and sniffed at it while glancing around. I heard the kitchen light get shut off, and turned my head to watch James walk out holding a bottle, two glasses and a bowl of strawberries. As he sat himself down, I took the bowl from him so he could sit down easier. He sat right in front of me blocking my view of the front door, not that I cared. "Seriously…you're too good to me James." He shrugged and blushed while he loosened the tie still around his neck. I set the bowl of strawberries down fast and reached over, helping him take off the tie. He dropped his hands and stared at me while I undressed less clothing then I would have liked. "I don't want you to think I'm killing the mood or anything but…hwo are you doing?" I slowly slipped the tie off his neck and tossed it to the couch where his jacket was. I motioned around and made him look me in the eyes. "I mean with your parents gone? Living by yourself?"

"It's not as bad as you would think." He grabbed a strawberry and danced it in front fo my face. I smirked and leaned forward biting on the end of the juicy red fruit. "It's gets lonely and I sometimes wish they had taken me with them, but it's nothing to get too excited about Kendall. I'm fine."

"Let's say for the sake of not arguing I believe you." He took a bite of the strawberry I had just bit off as well and smiled while he chewed. "You would tell me if you were really upset or just…missed your parents right? Like…you know you could come to me with that kind of stuff right?" He slowed down his chewing and tossed the stem of the berry on top of the other berries, looking at me. For a minute I thought I had said the wrong thing and had messed up the whole night, because he stayed relatively quiet. But after an excruciating minute of silence he moved forward and kissed me softly. The juice form the strawberry was on both our lips, only intensifying the lust behind the kiss. I reached out fast with both hands and grabbed a handful of his button up shirt pulling him closer to me. I ended up pulling myself closer to him, making it so I was on his lap practically kissing his wet lips with my own wet lips. His hands found my body making me push harder into him, when he squeezed my sides. I was on my knees in front of him pressing our bodies tight together letting him force my mouth open so his tongue could dance with mine in unisons. For some reason my body kept pushing into his and before I knew it, he was falling back on the blankets and pillows with me hovering over top of him. My legs found their way outside his body so I was practically straddling his waist. His hands never left my body and while I moved my own hands up to rest outside his head on the blankets, his roamed all over my back and down over my butt. Seeing as we've gotten to this point and beyond in our physical relationship, this wasn't as nerve racking as what was going to be coming later. Just at the thought of us having sex, I pushed away from him, sat up on his waist and quickly pulled the sweater off my body.

"I love you Kendall." I smiled down at him throwing the sweater, carefully to the couch not to touch the flames. His hands pushed up under my shirt in the front and gently rubbed over my soft muscles. I went to work on tearing off my shirt when he stopped me holding my wrists gently. "Hey…I said I loved you jerk. Got anything to say back or are you just gonna get naked on top of me?"

"You know I love you too James. And I never thought I would ever hear you be upset over my nakedness." He sat up fast holding around my body and kissed onto my neck. I snaked my hands down between our bodies and started un buttoning his shirt. "Should we have a glass of champagne?" He kissed gently onto my Adam's apple before pulling away and reaching over for the glasses and the bottle of champagne. I continued to unbutton his shirt even while he started pouring the bubbly liquid. "Thanks for wanting to be my hero." He stopped and looked up one eyebrow cocked up. I smiled and pushed the shirt open after having it unbuttoned completely and ran my fingertips over his abs. We were both pretty athletic and muscular, but James's body was so damn lickable, 24/7. "I mean with wanting to beat up Stan. I appreciate the gesture, but I would rather not have you get in any more trouble for me." He laughed and gently pushed a glass into my chest making me take it from him. I raised mine just as he raised his and we clinked them together. "To you and me. For having the most amazing night with the most amazing guy in the world. To love." He smiled big and raised his glass tipping it back into his mouth. I followed suite and squeezed my eyes shut feeling the smooth liquor run down my throat. I decided to drink it all, knowing it might give me some liquid courage. With all of it down, I lowered the glass and blindly and set it down, not knowing exactly where I put it. I slowly lowered my head and opened my eyes seeing James starring right up at me. I put my hands back down on his abs and messaged them soothingly.

"So…" I laughed awkwardly and really stupidly making him smile even bigger. "Here…" He set his hands on my thighs and pushed me to the side so I was off his lap. I sat down pulling my legs up to my chest but he stopped me fast. He moved around in front of me getting on his knees. I tensed up feeling him push my legs open and to the side, while he leaned into me, kissing me, and pushing me back so I was now lying on my back. His kisses were sweet and soft along my face calming me down greatly while he positioned himself between me. He put one elbow on the blankets by my shoulder while the other hand held himself up outside my head. Gently and almost too slowly he lowered himself on top of me. The first thing I felt was his groin rubbing up against mine. Just as he pushed and moved his crotch up and down over mine, he shoved his tongue inside my mouth with dominance and passion. I nervously gripped the blankets underneath me hoping I didn't explode just by his kiss and touch. For God sake, I had his dick in my mouth, I should be able to handle this kind of contact. And I was doing fine until he pushed won into me hard and forcefully causing my growing erection to get bigger even faster. I hardly noticed him pull away from my mouth until both his hands were on my sweats and pulling them down. He was sitting on his legs between my spread ones not starring at my face anymore.

"James?" My voice came out small and quiet making me almost regret even speaking. He looked up at me though and let go of my sweats fast. "Is it going to hurt?" He sat bac further on his legs and rubbed the back of his neck looking down.

"I honestly don't know…I have never…bottomed." A strange knot twisted in my stomach as I raised up on my elbows and watched him carefully. "Uhm…when I was with Eric…he wanted to bottom for whatever reason so…and I don't really remember if he said if it hurt or…whatever…or…I don't know." I pushed my legs together quick squeezing around him, making him look up at me.

"Hey…let's just not talk about that…I just want to know because I've heard it hurts bad the first time regardless." He swallowed hard and nodded rubbing the back of his neck again. "I just want to make sure it's pleasurable for you as well as it is for me, I guess." A smile spread across his face, making em feel just a little better as he leaned back down into me. Our lips brushed against each other for just a second before his hands went back down to my sweats, pulling again.


	16. Chapter 16: I've Heard

I think we set a new record for disrobing two people at the same time. My sweats and his shirt flew off together making us both pull away from the kiss to gaze at each other. He pulled me up almost aggressively to take my shirt off, which I didn't oblige. When I was down to my boxers and socks he didn't hesitate to take those off as well as taking off his own pants, boxers and shoes and socks. It all seemed to be under a minute which really made me even more excited. When he got back down between my legs be put both hands outside my head and hovered over my naked body with his naked body. "Are you sure about this Kendall?" I laughed loudly making him frown and give me a serious look but I couldn't help but laugh. If he only knew that for the past 4 years all I've wanted was to be underneath him both of us completely naked, he would be having sex with me like there was no tomorrow. But I wasn't going to tell him that, or that every time I jacked off I was thinking about him. I would never ever tell him that. "Fine…be stubborn." I continued to laugh watching him push himself up and reach for a small box by a box of chocolate. He opened the box and quickly pulled out a small package, and a small bottle of a clear liquid. I swallowed hard, calming down my laughing and clutched onto the blanket under me. "So you can laugh all you want but I watched some porn to figure out how to do this the right way, without being drunk off my ass." I smiled seeing his cheeks beat red as he avoided eye contact with me, while putting a condom on. I gently bumped my knees into his arms causing him to look up at me and swallow hard. "Uhm…raise your legs." I did as I was told without a second thought and carefully watched him squirt some of the lube onto his hard dick, with the condom on it. He rubbed it around generously, before glancing to my face and then down my body stopping at a pretty private area. "This might be a little cold, but it is definitely needed." I only nodded once feeling my throat swelling seeing him squirt more lube on his fingers and then move said fingers to my body. I instantly felt the cold rub around a hole I was always so embarrassed to even think about. I forced my eyes closed and clenched my teeth wondering if James was grossed out about what he was doing or something like that. But he continued to do it in an almost message like way and I became brave, opening my eyes. His bright hazel ones were staring down at in a concerned way. Without a warning or a sound form him, I felt one of his fingers slip into the hole. There was a momentary pain that made me groan just a little but with each in-out motion, it became more and more dull, to the point of not even feeling it at all. The motion actually became really nice, and felt beyond good. I made sure he knew by moaning out soft "o's" every now and then and tugged on the blanket beneath me. I looked at his face again seeing him staring down at my body in amazement and relief, that he wasn't hurting me.

"More James…" My voice was cracked, and laced with love and lust. I watched him lick his lips once before, again not telling me, slipping another finger inside. There was absolutely no pain attached with this extra digit. In fact, it felt so good, I had to arch my back off the ground and moan rather loudly. My bliss was only intensified when I felt his tongue lick from my left nipple up to the shell of my ear. He bit down on the bottom of my lobe softly with just a little teeth before whispering softly.

"Are you ready?"

"Mmmm…yes." My head was fuzzy with pleasure and my body was aching of more. It was if someone suddenly doused me with gasoline and threw a lit match onto my body. I knew I was sweating, but wasn't sure when or why I even started.

"Okay…I'm going to go slow. Tell me when you're ready…" He kissed my sweaty forehead, very softly making me wrap my legs around his waist pulling him down to me closer. We locked eyes, both my hands reaching up to hold his clean, perfect face. He put both hands outside my ribcage on either side and glanced down just for a second too look between us. I also glanced curious as to why he was looking and stifled a moan. I watched carefully as he pushed in the very tip of his dick stopping just there. I closed my mouth tight making a straight line on my lips and put my head back closing my eyes. James turned his head in my hands and kissed my left palm whispering "I love you" over and over. I guess he took me breathing out hard and moaning quietly as a sign for him to continue without hesitation because he snapped his hips forward and pushed inside me completely. My scream was ear shattering not only for me, but probably for James as well. "It's alright…I got you…" I kept my eyes closed while a single tear rolled down to my ear form my right eye. He kissed it away while he gently and slowly began to rock his hips back and forth. "I'm sorry…I'll go slow…I just knew if we got it over with…it might not be so bad." His face nuzzled perfectly into my neck making my arms go up and around the back of his head, pulling him closer to me. Both his elbows propped himself up outside my head as he continued to push in, and pull out of my sensitive hole. "How does it feel? Are you alright?" His voice was still in a whisper making my spin tingle and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I opened my eyes and released my jaw form the lock I had put it in. I stared up at the ceiling and felt my body relax as it registered that what James was doing, was beyond pleasurable.

"It feels great James…I feel amazing…" I ran my fingers up through his hair on the back of his neck and felt a small kiss to my neck. With each movement out, I was waiting patiently, begging in my head for him to go back in. Those milliseconds felt like an eternity, and I was tempted, too many times to count to thrust up into him, but I never did. I was suddenly reminded of waves crashing down at the beach, only of the tide to come disappear back into the ocean, seconds later. The beautiful imagine clouded my mind as he started to pick up speed and push in just a little deeper each time. "That feels great James…" He pushed up off his elbows quickly and rested his palms on the blankets next to my head so he was hovering over me, still thrusting, looking in my eyes. I suddenly could tell he looked almost in pain. Like maybe he was holding back, for my sake, and it was causing a problem down below. I put my hands back on his face and rubbed under his eyes with my thumbs softly. "Are you alright?" He closed his eyes, locked his jaw in place and nodded once, picking up the speed to something he was comfortable with. "James?" He only hummed a response that made it more clear he was trying his hardest not to cum just yet, not at least until I did. I don't know…I could be reading him all wrong. "I love you?" He painfully opened his eyes and breathed out slow and low. He leaned back down into me and rested his sweaty forehead don mine. The sudden shift of his body and his weight made me scream on the inside, because his hips moved their alignment, and he hit something inside me. Something that made me go stiff, and something that made my toes curl.

"I love you too Kendall." He pushed inside me again, hitting the same spot yet again, this time, completely taking me over the edge. I saw white everywhere around me as I gripped onto James, tense, muscular back scratching up and down. My yell came just as the first bit of my speed sputtered out. I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between up and down not that it mattered. Matching the length and volume of my scream, James wasn't far behind me. My hot breath mixed in with his and I did the only thing I could actually think of. I pulled his mouth down into mine, and kiss3ed the life out of him.

The only time I have ever cum has been by jacking off. I have never ejaculated without touching my dick and I had to admit the feeling was incredible. He continued to thrust, not as hard or fast anymore, to milk us both through our orgasm. We remained connected at the lips, kissing softly and sweetly onto each other's mouths, not wanting to separate and ruin this all too perfect moment just yet. I could have laid there, wrapped around his body feeling him on and inside me, the rest of the night, but I had a million and one questions to ask him, I knew it would end sometime soon. Fortunately he was the one to pull away making it easier for me.

He pushed himself up and off me fast, pulling himself out of me earning a grunt of pain and disapproval form me. He snickered to himself rubbing my left inner thigh while taking off the condom. When it was off, my les slide off his sides when he leaned down, kissed my cheek and then stood up. I let my arms and legs, fall to the blankets softly while I panted and watched him walk away. I couldn't help but stare at his butt as he walked to the kitchen, only to reappear minute slater, empty handed. He walked to me quick and put out both hands in front of me motioning for me to take them. I regretfully did and hated that he was strong enough to lift me up while I went limp in his arms. As soon as my feet touched the ground, and held up my weight, a shooting, horrible pain ripped up and down my spine. It started just at my butt and traveled to the top of my spine make me clutch on James and gasp quietly. "Is it bad?" I put on a fake face and shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Just a little. I'll be okay." I listened to the rumble in his chest when he laughed comforting me just a little. When I realized he was walking, dragging me along, I dug deeper into his body loving his sweaty skin touching on mine.

"Well maybe a shower will help." I only nodded in agreement hearing him open the guest bathroom down stairs thankfully. He flipped on the light and let me go propping me against the bathroom counter. He worked quick to turn the shower on before turning to me and reaching out a hand. I took it and walked to him following him in the fairly large shower. He set em under the luke warm water first which made me happy. The water ran through my hair first, and down my back and over my butt, slowly but surely taking away some of the pain. I closed my eyes letting him go and ran my fingers through my wet hair breathing in slow and calm. I exhaled just as soft before raising my head and looking up to see James squirting some Old Spice soap onto a loofa. I smiled small and shyly as he put the loofa on my chest and started to rub it in small circles. "You look like your floating on cloud nine."

"All thanks to you." He laughed and shook his head rubbing the soap all over my torso and even onto my back moving the shower head off me. "Minus the slight pain…I really loved every second of that. And I love that it was with you." He smiled small and nudge my face with his nose, making em turn my head to the side. "I love you James."

"Yeah I've heard." I gently slapped his back as he kissed me neck still rubbing the loofa all over my back and gently over my butt. "So I was thinking about something. Ever since you told me about going to Columbia, I've had this crazy idea that, that's where I want to be too. And I can't help but wonder how amazing our life would be living together in a small apartment, being good looking college students." I laid my cheek on his shoulder and closed my eyes humming along in response. "So I did a little research and emailed both MSU and Columbia and I found out that I can transfer after one semester. So in the fall, I'll be going to MSU, and then in the spring, I'll be transferring up to Columbia with you. I just think…were going to make it through this all together, ya know? I can see my future with you, and I really think we should go to school together because I can't imagine one second without you so…what do you think?" I pushed away from him fast and kept my hands on his shoulders staring up at his face.

"You're going to go to New York with me?"

"In the Spring so we'll have to wait a…" I cut him off, jumping into his arm sand crashing him into the wall behind him. The loofa dropped from his hand and both his hands cupped under my thighs pulling me up on his body so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I kissed his mouth long and hard feeling every ounce of love pore out of my body and into his heart.

"I love you James." I managed to get the words out through kisses, and felt him smile in his kissing back.

"Yeah…I've heard."


End file.
